


Gimme Shelter

by JaneNightwork



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens, Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Animal Shelter AU, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, F/M, Finn/Rose - Freeform, Fluff, Mentions of Past Animal Abuse, Mentions of past abuse, Modern AU, Redeemed Ben Solo, Rey Needs A Hug, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, and is not afraid to ask for one, no humans or animals will be abused in this fic, the one where everyone got the therapy they needed, tumblr prompt fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-24
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-08-06 16:44:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 34,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16391402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaneNightwork/pseuds/JaneNightwork
Summary: Ben Solo meets Rey Niima when his mother asks him to drop off a few boxes of old sheets and towels at the animal shelter. He is immediately charmed by her and decides to volunteer at the shelter to get to know her better. In the process of building his relationship with Rey and learning to take care of the animals, Ben learns new ways to heal old hurts.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to my first Reylo fic! I'm so excited to share this with you all. <3 The entire fic is already finished, so I'll be updating weekly.
> 
> Edit 12/11: I listed the prompt for this fic in my first tumblr post about Gimme Shelter ([here](https://janenightwork.tumblr.com/post/179248677538/janenightwork-gimme-shelter-by-jane-nightwork)), but it had spoilers and was anonymous so I originally planned to wait until the end to list it here on AO3. Now that I know who the prompter is (and that she's written her own version!) I'm far more comfortable giving her proper credit up front. Her name is [Flypaper_Brain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flypaper_brain/pseuds/flypaper_brain). Here is [the prompt on tumblr](https://janenightwork.tumblr.com/post/177181379973/leia-sends-ben-to-the-local-animal-shelter-with-a), and here is her version of the fic, [shelter of a tree](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15740394/chapters/36599697)! If you enjoy this fic, definitely give hers some love!
> 
> Here is the prompt:  
> "Leia sends Ben to the local animal shelter with a donation of old towels and blankets. Rey is the shelter volunteer who greets him at the door. He immediately decides to become a volunteer in order to get to know her better. Ben discovers a love for cats. A snowstorm happens and they both volunteer to stay at the shelter all night to bottle-feed the tiny kittens. In between feedings, Ben lets the kittens climb him like a tree. Rey decides she wants in on it too, and they kiss, covered in kitties."

 

 

Ben Solo ate shabbat dinner with his family every Friday at his childhood home in Old Chandrila. Their house was a Tudor mansion nestled in the birches and oaks of the suburbs. It was large and impressive, stately and beautiful, but he’d found it a lonely place to grow up. 

When he arrived early for dinner one Friday in March, the first thing he noticed was that the three-car garage door was open. His mother and father had stacked a surprising amount of packed boxes in the driveway. He turned the car off as his mother called out something to his father that Ben couldn’t hear. His father responded with a patented Han Solo “yeah, yeah” hand wave. Ben didn’t need to look at his mother to know she was rolling her eyes—and fighting a smile.

“Ben! You’re just in time, kid,” said his father as soon as the car door was open. Ben raised an eyebrow.

“What’s all this? Are you moving?”

“Of course not. Your mother and I are just getting rid of some junk.”

“Yeah, now if only we could get your father to give up that old hunk of junk car—” his mother’s voice sounded from inside the garage.

“ _No—_ ” Han called in her direction. “And don’t call the Falcon junk!”

This was a familiar refrain. His mother had no more intention of actually asking his father to get rid of his beloved Ford Falcon than Han had of giving it up. But it was old and, frankly, the term “junk” was a bit generous. 

“Where’s Uncle Chewie and Uncle Luke?” asked Ben, looking around. “Aren’t they coming tonight?”

“Chewie’s coming,” said Han. “He’s still at the shop though. He should be here you get back. Luke’s not coming tonight; he had a book signing.”

“When I get back?” said Ben.

His mother walked up and held her arms out expectantly. He bent down to hug her. “Hi, mom.”

“Hi, baby. So listen: _this_ stack goes to Goodwill, and _this_ stack goes to the drop-off for the women’s refuge, and _this_ stack goes to Amilyn’s animal shelter. Think you can run all these around before dinner?”

“How did I get volunteered to be delivery boy?” he asked, slightly indignant.

“I made brisket,” she said with a smirk. Ever the politician, Leia knew just when to go straight for the throat. Her brisket was his favorite dish. “And I picked up some cheesecake for dessert.” 

Ben decided to take the Falcon. Piece of junk though it was, the ancient car could carry a great deal of cargo. The process went more smoothly than he thought it would, and in only an hour he was pulling up to his last stop. 

He saved the Endor Moon Humane Society for last, as it had the fewest amount of boxes. There were several boxes of old sheets and towels, and another box full of cat and dog toys and food that his mother must’ve bought for the occasion, since they didn’t have pets. 

Though it was run by Leia’s childhood friend and political ally, Amilyn Holdo, Ben had never visited the shelter. Holdo had only been an occasional presence in Ben's life, but he liked her. He certainly respected her more than a great deal of his mother’s other associates. Holdo was fair and fearless; despite her privileged upbringing she’d joined his mother in the Resistance Party during the New Hope Rebellion before Ben was born. Now that the country was much more stable, she had retired from public life to run the animal shelter. 

Ben turned off of the country road at the sign that said Endor Moon Rescue & Humane Society: Established 1905. A second sign warned sternly that no animals were to be left tied to the gates, and that the facility was monitored by cameras at all times. Ben let out an “ugh” of contempt at the idea that anyone would be pitiless enough to tie an animal to the gate of a shelter. 

He focused on his surroundings to distract himself from the sudden dark turn of his thoughts. Tall pines grew on both sides of the long road that lead to the main facility, with several smaller driveways leading to outbuildings whose purpose Ben could only speculate. He parked in front of the main building, a U-shaped, one-story labyrinth of cinderblock. Ben guessed that in its more than a hundred years of operation it had been added onto again and again. To keep the building cheerful looking, there were murals painted on each of its walls. One featured a group of dogs frolicking in an open field with children and butterflies. Another showed cats playing with toys or curled up on plush armchairs. 

Unsure of where to drop off his goods, Ben walked into the front door of the shelter. Standing behind the counter was quite possibly the cutest girl Ben had ever seen. She was tall and athletic-looking, with almond-shaped hazel eyes and freckles on her nose. Her hair was pulled back into three stacked buns, which Ben might’ve found odd if he wasn’t so immediately charmed by her. And her freckles, and her eyes, and the adorable smile she was giving to him. She had _dimples_. The air froze in his lungs.

Ben felt a tsunami of self-consciousness. He was wearing casual clothes; he’d worked from home that day, and hadn’t expected to see anyone but his parents. He was wearing his oldest pair jeans and a spare _Thrawn Trilogy_ shirt that he usually wore to the gym. He didn’t often advertise his uncle’s space opera fictionalization of the family drama, but he found the melodramatic art of the shirt funny. Or he had, right up until he accidentally wore it in front of the cutest girl in the world. 

Was he sweaty from hefting the boxes into the Falcon? He’d put on deodorant and aftershave that morning, right? _Right_? Suddenly he couldn’t remember. 

_Okay_ , Ben told himself. _Knock it off. You’re an adult. You can talk to a cute girl._

“Is that a 1964 Ford Falcon?!” she burst out before he could say anything. He was shocked to hear an English accent from her, and then decided that _of course_ she had an English accent. She was the cutest girl in the world. Why wouldn’t she also have a beautiful accent?

“Uh—yes. It is.”

“Oh my _God_ , I’ve never seen one in person! Is it yours? I’ve been obsessed with them ever since I was a kid and read about Han Solo making the Kessel Run in fourteen minutes with his Falcon,” she said. 

“Ah,” said Ben. “Well. It’s not mine. It’s my dad’s. My dad is Han Solo. And if you listen to him, he says he made in twelve minutes. He cut through the woods to shave off the extra time—we’re still finding pebbles in the undercarriage.”

“ _What?!”_ The girl looked as if every happy surprise in her life had arrived at once. Ben nodded.

He was used to people reacting this way to his family, because they were all heroes. His father met his mother when he and Chewie were using their Kessel Runs to smuggle goods for the Resistance Party. His mother and his Uncle Luke had joined forces with Han and Chewie. Together they fought against President Vader, leader of the totalitarian Empire Party. (Vader was also Leia and Luke’s father, as if the entire situation hadn’t already been ludicrous enough.) Luke lost a hand, and Chewie was tortured so badly that his vocal chords were permanently damaged. Still, they emerged victorious, and forged a better future for each other and their country seemingly all by themselves. They were larger than life, the standards by which American courage, integrity, and leadership were measured for a generation. 

His family belonged to the world as much as they belonged to him. It had taken him a long time to reconcile the deeply flawed, complicated people he grew up with and the legends everyone else adored. 

“You’re Han Solo’s son?” she asked, still beaming at him. 

Ben used to flinch every time someone asked him that question. There were dark years earlier in his life, when he’d had no contact with his family whatsoever, and had even changed his name to avoid being associated with them. His resentment had run deepest towards his uncle, but his parents had been a close second. 

“Yes, I am,” he said. 

Things were different now. The dark years cast long shadows; Ben didn’t know if things would ever truly return to the way they’d been before. But Ben had saved himself before the darkness became his whole identity. He got help and returned to his family. Ben could live with a few shadows. He was alive. His family was alive. And he was once again proud to call himself Han Solo’s son. 

“That’s—wow,” she said. She looked at him in wonder for a moment. 

Ben couldn’t help but squirm under her continued scrutiny. He hoped like hell his hair was covering his ears, because they were surely beet red. Suddenly she made an embarrassed sound and said, “Oh, shit, I’m sorry! Um, what can I help you with?”

Rey finally told him her name as they unloaded the Falcon together. She exclaimed over how cute the dog and cat toys were, and reassured Ben that the old towels and sheets would be put to good use. The job took less than five minutes, at which point Ben floundered for an excuse to keep talking to her. Then he saw the sign just inside the front door.

Volunteers Needed! Onsite Training, No Experience Necessary

“So, uh—what kind of volunteers are you guys looking for?” he asked. 

“Oh! We need everything. People to work with dogs, cats, small animals—that’s rabbits, gerbils, hamsters—and the large and livestock animals—that’s horses, cows, pigs—and we’re forever buried under a pile of laundry. Plus kitten season’s coming in a few weeks, so I’ll be up to my eyes in bottle feedings for a while. I’m one of only seven full-time employees, so we _always_ need volunteers. Why? Do you like working with animals?”

Against Ben’s will, a specter of his former employer, Snoke, flashed in his mind. Ben thought of the faces Snoke would make at Ben’s stuttering, and his transparent attempts to catch Rey’s attention. He thought about the cruel jokes Snoke would make at the utter absurdity of _voluntarily_ giving care to animals no one gave a fuck about. It was a strange reality to live in: seeing both his own perspective and Snoke’s at the same time. A stunt like this would have given Snoke ammunition to humiliate him for years. Ben felt helpless and weak: years of therapy and he _still_ couldn’t get Snoke out of his head. But he refused to give in to the impulse to run away. He could hold on just a bit more. Then, he reasoned, he could have a good strong panic attack on his way back to the house if he needed to. 

“Yeah, I like animals,” he said, nodding as if he knew what he was talking about. He didn’t. Much as he’d adored them, his mother had never let him have a dog when he was a kid. His constant childhood companions had been R2D2 and C3PO, who were droids. They had been built by his grandfather, and later improved upon by first his uncle and then himself. “I don’t have experience in a shelter environment, though.”

“Oh don’t worry about that. Everybody has to go through my beginner classes, even if they do have shelter experience,” she said brightly. 

Ben left the shelter a few minutes later with a flyer detailing classes for new volunteers and a tentative flutter of hope in his chest. 

“I think I’m gonna start volunteering at the animal shelter,” Ben said at dinner.

“Oh?” said his mother. Ben was relieved when she sounded neither suspicious nor confused, only curious. “That sounds nice, Ben. You’ve always loved animals.”

Ben looked up from his plate, shocked. “What? You said—” and stopped. 

There had been many, many conversations that ran along this line. His memories and his parents’ were like a horror movie funhouse: full of distorted mirrors and doors that lead to nowhere. Sometimes it was worth sorting things out, and sometimes it only resulted in frustration and hurt feelings. He’d had a good day. He wasn’t sure he wanted to wear himself out vanquishing old ghosts. 

“I said what, Ben? It’s okay,” said Leia, softly.

“When I was about fifteen, I remember you saying that I couldn’t have a dog because you were worried I’d hurt it.”

Leia gasped. 

Han stayed quiet, but Ben saw him surreptitiously slip his hand beneath the table, probably to hold onto Leia’s knee. Chewie, always the most diplomatic and tactful of the family, also remained calm. This, Ben reflected, was what his therapist would call “real progress.” In the beginning a lot of these conversations had dived straight into shouting matches. Ben felt a little guilty for being relieved that Luke wasn’t at the table. Their relationship was light years beyond where it used to be, but it was still sometimes tense. 

“Here’s what I remember. You asked for a dog for your birthday. I don’t remember what I said, but it wasn’t a no or a yes. You got angry. I said that if I couldn’t trust you to control your temper, I couldn’t trust you with the responsibility of a dog. Maybe I shouldn’t have—”

“No, don’t apologize. That was a reasonable thing to say,” Ben interrupted. 

He could hear the sincerity in his mother’s voice, and after all the story made so much more _sense_ than his mother accusing him of being violent toward animals. His temper had been uncontrollable when he was a teenager, and his tantrums sometimes turned destructive. He could understand why his mother would refuse to reward that kind of behavior. But Ben would _never_ have hurt an animal, even in his darkest, most out of control moods. It also made sense that his mother knew that.

“Do you think, maybe, that message came from—him?” 

“Yeah, now that I think about it, I’m sure it did,” said Ben with a heavy sigh.

This was what Snoke had done. He’d twisted every moment in Ben’s life, no matter how small, into something that suited his own ends. Until finally Ben no longer remembered any truth but what Snoke wanted him to. 

Alistair Snoke came into Ben’s life when he was a small child. He was a political associate of Leia’s, though in the party ideologically opposite to his mother’s. Leia had built her platform on the promise of building bridges across ideological lines, the better to prevent a political disaster like the one of her youth. Snoke had used them all as pawns in his game. 

Over time Leia had grown suspicious of Snoke’s fascination with Ben. By the time Ben was seventeen, Leia had banned him from the house. But by then Snoke had already manipulated him into thinking that everyone hated him but Snoke himself. He’d seen Ben’s talent, his capabilities, and the unfortunate number of character traits he shared with his grandfather. He’d wanted to shape Ben into a new Vader. He’d nearly succeeded.  

There had always been something about Snoke that made Ben uncomfortable. But over the years he’d made it seem as if no one else was telling Ben the truth. Snoke said that everyone else was too burdened by his temper, his neediness, his insecurity, and his behavioral issues. Snoke would be the only one to ever truly value and understand Ben.

An explosive argument with his parents during the summer between his freshman and sophomore years in college lead his parents to send him to live with Luke. It was supposed to be a temporary arrangement. Everyone would have time to cool off, and then they would work things out. This proved an unwise choice. Luke was even less understanding of Ben’s delicate mental state than the other adults in his life. He was also completely unsympathetic to Ben’s growing obsession with his grandfather’s politics, or his disillusionment with what he saw as his immediate family’s hypocrisy and compromise. One night a political argument escalated. In a moment of anger that he instantly and deeply regretted, Luke told Ben he’d kill him before he let him destroy everything he loved.

Ben left that night. He’d been nineteen, so his parents could do nothing. He went to Snoke, changed his name to Kylo Ren, and cut off all contact with his family. Snoke was delighted with this turn of events, and never let Ben forget that he’d “taken him in when he had nowhere else to go.” He’d insisted that Ben drop out of college and become an executive in his company, First Order Industries. Draped in wealth but with no family, no friends, and no degree, Ben was trapped for nearly ten years. Then one day he saw a newspaper article about his family. His father had had a heart attack, it read. Luke now lived in isolation in the wilderness, such that not even Leia could reach him. There was a picture of Leia at the hospital, looking heartbroken and careworn. Snoke saw the article, too. He shared it in a First Order board meeting, taking extra time to gleefully point out how old Leia looked, and to lament that Han hadn’t died. And then, with mock contrition, he’d “apologized” to Ben for denigrating his father.

“He means nothing to me,” Ben had said. The words were ash in his mouth. He only said them to make Snoke stop talking. 

It was saying those words that made him realize how much his father did, in fact, mean to him. He realized other things, too. That he shouldn’t have to wish death upon his own father just so that his boss wouldn’t humiliate and abuse him in front of a room full of people. That he no longer believed in Snoke’s worldview, or his grandfather’s. That he wanted to go home. 

Ben began digging, and soon gathered every piece of information he could about First Order Industries’ unethical and illegal practices—which were far more extensive and horrifying than he’d ever imagined. He gradually compiled his evidence into one long document, and sent it to every newspaper he could find on his way out of the office one night. Snoke was arrested. Luke, with a flair for the dramatic as always, reappeared from the wilderness to testify as a character witness on Ben’s behalf at the trial. “I failed you, Ben; I’m sorry,” he’d said as a horde of courtroom reporters quietly gasped. (His heart was in the right place, Ben supposed.) Snoke was found guilty. At the sentencing, he launched into a long, frothing-at-the-mouth speech about how he could not be defeated or betrayed. While the judge was still banging on the gavel for order, Snoke dropped dead of a stroke.  

Chewie brought Ben’s thoughts back to the present with a short “hmph.” 

“It’s good you’re going to take care of the dogs. Spit right in the old asshole’s eye,” he signed in ASL, emphasizing the sign for “asshole” while making a fierce growl. Everyone laughed, grateful to Chewie for breaking the tension of the moment. 

“Yeah, that is a plus. And it’s a nice place. They deserve the help. The lady at the shelter said they need a lot of volunteers.”

Han’s forehead crinkled. “Holdo?” he asked. 

“No, I didn’t see her there. I meant one of her employees, Rey.”

“Oh. Was she nice?”

“Yeah, very nice. Big fan of you, actually. She went wild over the Falcon,” said Ben.

“See?” said Han, turning to his wife in glee. “My ‘hunk of junk’ helped Ben make friends with a _very nice lady_.”

“Ben, we’ve talked about this. You’re encouraging him,” Leia mock-chided. 

“Well, I like her already. She likes animals. She likes the Falcon. Ben likes her. That’s good enough for me,” said Han.  

Over the next few days, however, Ben’s confidence wavered severely. Yes, volunteering was a worthy and noble cause, but _not_ when you were only doing it as an excuse to spend more time around a pretty girl. What if she caught on to him? That would be humiliating at best, and would make her uncomfortable and hurt at worst. By his next therapy session, Ben had decided not to volunteer at the shelter. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben discusses meeting Rey with his therapist, Dr. Maz Kanata. She offers a fresh perspective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so, so much to everyone who has read this fic so far! I am absolutely over the moon with how well it's been received. 
> 
> Extra special thanks to my wonderful beta readers, [Hydra_bitch_please01](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hydra_bitch_please01/pseuds/Hydra_bitch_please01) and [Redbells](https://archiveofourown.org/users/redbells/pseuds/redbells).

Dr. Maz Kanata worked out of her home in Takodana City. It was a bit of a drive for him, but Ben didn’t mind. She lived in a beautiful, grand art deco home that was meticulously appointed, but which also showed her individual flair for style. One of her decorations was a life-sized statue of herself on the front lawn. When Ben had asked about its origin, she’d winked, said something about a torrid love affair many years prior, and then said, “Sorry, kiddo. Those are all the details you’re going to get.”

Ben sat down on the couch across from her in her office. The room was painted in neutral greys, with black and white photography of stone architecture on the wall. There were dishes full of pebbles on her coffee table, and a water feature with a fountain that bubbled water over stones. Somehow he always felt like he was in a medieval castle during their sessions.

Dr. Kanata was a tiny, elderly black woman, with laugh lines and thick, Coke-bottle eyeglasses. Her actual age was impossible to determine. She looked deceptively like a benevolent grandmother, but her gaze often felt like a razor blade to Ben, shearing off layer after layer of excuses and avoidance until she reached the ugly shit underneath. Despite the sometimes painful experience his sessions with her could be, he was grateful to her. 

“How have you been this week?” she asked, as she did at the beginning of every session.

“Good,” he answered automatically. “Except…”

“Except?”

“I did something over the weekend that I’m not very proud of.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. My mom sent me on a bunch of errands to drop things off for donation on Friday. The last place I went to was the animal shelter. I was driving the Falcon, and behind the counter was this _girl_.”

He hadn’t meant to emphasize the word “girl,” but he couldn’t help it. The word came out in a breathy, awe-filled rush. Ben felt his face and chest heat with embarrassment. He looked away immediately, but not before he saw Dr. Kanata’s eyebrows rise and eyes widen significantly. 

“Oh, a _girl_ ,” she said. “One hardly ever sees them these days; they’re so rare. What was she like, this girl?”

Ben wasn’t experienced romantically. Before the dark years, in his early adolescence, he’d been hopeless in his awkwardness and self consciousness. He was tall and skinny in his youth, with impossibly long limbs, huge hands and feet, and ears that stuck out. His mother had called him a bull in a china shop—lovingly, he realized now—but it had felt painfully close to the truth. He was always tripping over something, knocking into something, or tangling his limbs seemingly around themselves. He also firmly, _firmly_ believed himself to be ugly, which was a conviction he still found difficult to shake. Then came the dark years, in which Snoke had made him believe that there was “no time” for something as “frivolous” as romance, and that all women were sickened by the sight of him anyway. 

Since coming home he’d developed more friendships with both men and women than he ever thought possible. He and his mother’s assistant Kaydel regularly met up for Trivia Nights at one the trendier bars downtown. One of his coworkers, Jessika Pava, had invited him to join her D&D group. He now looked forward to meeting with them every week. Dating, however, had remained elusive. He’d tried several dating websites and apps, after Dr. Kanata’s gentle encouragement had started to sound like insistence, and had gone on less than five dates. 

The first date was the most irritating. The girl had spent ten minutes telling him why she hadn’t voted for his mother. (It was because she’d never vote for a woman who didn’t take her husband’s surname.) She then offered to invite both Ben and Leia to her ultra-right-wing church’s prayer meeting, despite his explaining to her that his entire family was Jewish. She quickly let him know that she’d only accepted the date to try to “save his soul.” Ben left without telling her his opinion of her. 

Two more dates went perfectly fine, but neither party felt romantic chemistry for the other. The final one had been so ridiculous that he’d decided to “take a break from online dating,” as he told Dr. Kanata. In truth he deleted the apps and all but took a vow of celibacy. She had suggested they meet for drinks. Ben agreed, and when they met she confessed to being nervous. She then nervously drank several glasses of Chardonnay in quick succession. By the end of the date two hours later she was telling him she wanted to climb him like a tree and trying to crawl into his lap. He ordered her a cab, and while they waited outside she launched herself at him and kissed him. Or tried to; it felt more like she slobbered on his mouth. 

He tried not to show it, but he felt angry, disgusted, and embarrassed. He hadn’t wanted to kiss her. She was drunk, he had no intention of ever seeing her again, and he’d given her no indication that he wanted to kiss her. On the one hand, he was thirty years old. He thought maybe he should be grateful anyone wanted to kiss him at all, given his looks, his inexperience, and his awkwardness. On the other hand, he’d hoped for something a little more romantic for his first kiss.  

If going through all of that was absolutely necessary to get laid, Ben thought he could just as easily live without. 

“Her name is Rey,” he said, trying to put his past disappointments out of his mind. “She wanted to know about the Falcon, cuz she recognized it. So we talked about the Falcon, and my dad, and we brought in the stuff that my mom donated. And she was—perfect. Smart, friendly, sweet. She was really strong, too. She lifted half the boxes in one go. She obviously has a big heart, working at the shelter.”

“What did she look like?”

“Beautiful,” said Ben. “She’s very beautiful.”

“I see,” said Dr. Kanata. “How did it make you feel, to meet someone you immediately found so attractive?”

Ben looked down at his hands and shrugged. It occurred to him, distantly, that he might cry. It wouldn’t be the first time that he’d cried in Dr. Kanata’s office, but it felt ridiculous to cry over something like this. He felt stupid, vulnerable, and raw. It was all well and good, he thought,  for normal people to meet someone they liked, fall in love, go on dates, and have relationships. That wasn’t Ben’s life. Good things didn’t happen to Ben. What was the sense of feeling hopeful, when Rey would inevitably reject him?

Dr. Kanata was waiting for a response, not satisfied with his shrug. 

“I was nervous, but not too bad. She was so nice. And I was happy, I guess. I know I must’ve looked like a goofy idiot the way I was grinning at her.”

“Is it possible you were just responding normally to her friendliness and to finding her attractive? Did she seem uncomfortable?”

“She didn’t seem bothered by me, no.”

“So what is it that you did that you’re not proud of?”

“I—” he exhaled, braced himself, and tried again. “I asked her about volunteering for an excuse to see her again.”

Dr. Kanata blinked at him. 

“Which I shouldn’t have done. That was a creepy thing to do.”

“ _Ben-jamin_ _So-lo_ ,” said Dr. Kanata, in that way that she only did when he’d run especially far off the rails. She held up a hand in exasperation to keep him from talking further. “Why on earth would that be creepy?”

Ben explained his thought process. Dr. Kanata shook her head.

“What women object to—and rightly so—is being treated as if sex is all they’re good for. And that men think it’s okay to deliberately violate their boundaries in order to get what they want. Is that how you perceive Rey?”  

“No!” said Ben.

“If you were to approach her for a date, and she were to say no, would you be angry?”

“Of course not,” he said. 

“Did she, or did she not, expressly invite you to volunteer?”

“Well, I told her I didn’t have any experience but that I’d like to try, and she said that was fine, that she’d teach me. I did bring it up and plan on going just to see her, though,” Ben added before Dr. Kanata could further whatever argument she was working toward.

“I know. But Ben, people do things like go to parties or start new activities to try to impress someone they like all the time. After all, do you hate animals?”

“No.”

“Do you think this could be a fun activity for you even if you don’t end up dating Rey?”

“Sure,” he said. 

“If someone—if Rey—joined your D&D group just to get to know you, that wouldn’t be so bad, would it?”  

“It’s different for women, though, isn’t it?”

“Men can be sexually harassed, too, Ben. You know that.” 

He flinched. They were silent for a moment. Here was yet another aspect of Snoke’s treatment that he was left to grapple with. Snoke had never touched Ben, but his constant deriding comments and shaming about Ben’s body and sexuality had undeniably left their mark.

“Listen to me, Ben,” said Dr. Kanata. “It’s okay to want to be close to people. I strongly encourage you to give volunteering at the shelter, and talking to Rey, an honest try.”

“Okay,” said Ben. “I’ll try.”

It took a few days for Ben to gather his courage and call the shelter to ask again about classes for new volunteers. Or, he thought, perhaps he’d needed to get past his embarrassment at how far down the pit of melodrama he’d allowed himself to fall. 

Of course it was Rey who answered when he called.

“Hi, I’m Ben. I dunno if you remember but I came in the other day asking about volunteering,” he said. “I’ve lost track of the sheet you gave me with the training schedule.”

This was a white lie; he hadn’t lost it. But he thought that was a better thing to say than, “I burned the schedule you gave me in the fireplace in my apartment—no, really—because I was apparently channeling Heathcliff. For context, along with a gift for robotics, an overwhelming talent for drama is passed down in my family through the male line. You should hear about the time I ran away from home and started calling myself Kylo Ren. Or the time my grandfather literally cut off my uncle’s hand. Or how my uncle then cut off my grandfather’s hand less than a year later. They were both using laser swords of their own design. Funnily enough, it was this that healed their heretofore lifelong estrangement. We’re a little extra.”

No, that wouldn’t do. The “lost” schedule sheet was a much better option. 

“Oh, hi Ben! Yes, of course I remember you. I was hoping you would come by. I’m so glad you called. What class do you wanna take?”

“I don’t know,” he replied honestly. “Do people take more than one class?”

“You are more than welcome to take them all. Plenty of people do. That’d give you a chance to see where you feel most comfortable. Or maybe you’ll like everything and be all over the place, like me.”

The next available class was for small animals (“rabbits, gerbils, hamsters, mice, and rats—don’t be scared of the rats, if you like dogs you’ll like rats,” she told him). He dutifully promised to be there, and that he would never prejudge the rats. Who could do such a thing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm JaneNightwork on tumblr as well as here. Come say if you like! <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben attends Rey's Small Animals 101 class, his first training at the shelter. He learns a few things and makes some new friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so excited to share this chapter. To me this feels like where the story really starts to take off. I hope you enjoy!

 

 

The following Saturday Ben found himself back at the shelter, earlier on a weekend morning than he was usually awake. There was a sign on the front desk that said “Small Animals 101” with an arrow that pointed to an open conference room in the back. Ben followed the other new volunteers in. Soon he found himself hunched uncomfortably onto a cold metal folding chair, feeling too-large, out of place, and awkward as hell. Most of the other volunteers were either significantly younger or older than he was: high school students or retirees. He also noticed that the majority of them were women, and that they were all staring at him a bit. He hunched over further in his chair and got out his phone, the better to hide behind a game of Monument Valley. 

When Rey came in he eyed her Starbucks cup with intense envy. He’d been certain he wouldn’t be allowed to have a drink with him in the shelter, so he’d forgone his usual travel mug of Brazilian dark roast. 

His feelings of awkwardness relaxed as Rey started the class. She ran through the basics: standards of safety, how and where to sign in, and the dress code. Then she took them all on a tour. The main building was, as Ben suspected, a labyrinth consisting of a central, original space, with several later additions. 

From the conference room where they met, Rey lead them back out to the front. Most of the oldest and smallest section of the building was for administration: front desk, reception, storage, and offices. There were also “Socialization Rooms,” which Rey explained were for people to get to know animals they considered adopting, and for volunteers to spend one-on-one time with each animal. Inside each room were cat or dog toys, and chairs for people. 

She then lead them through to the right wing to see the dogs. The first stop was the office, where they could sign up to walk dogs, get leashes, and stock up on treats.

“Being in a shelter is stressful for the dogs, so we do everything we can to make sure they’re happy. One simple way to do that is to give treats. We are not shy with the treat-giving. If you’re walking by and just saying hello to everyone, give treats. Going for a walk? Give treats. They wag their tail and give you their paw to shake? Treats. You get the idea. So everybody get a big handful of treats and give them out as we walk through the wing.”

Ben and the rest of the new volunteers obediently grabbed handfuls of crumbled milk bones.

“I know how the dogs feel. If someone gave me a cookie every time I shook their hand, my stress level would go down too,” one of the new recruits, a sweet-looking old lady, said to Ben. He laughed.

“It should be a more common practice,” he agreed. 

The wing was a long U-shape with a wall in the middle so the dogs wouldn’t be stressed by staring at one another. Each dog had its own “room,” which was half indoors, with a flap that lead outside. Each room had a bed, toys, and a decent amount of space.

Every dog, whether large, small, young, or old, looked at him and wagged their tails hopefully as he walked by. Instead of being struck by their sadness (as he’d been worried he would be), he was struck by their hope.  

There was the Jack Russell terrier who bounced with glee and turned in circles in between accepting treats from each of the volunteers; the mastiff who smushed her head against the door of her cage, more concerned with licking the volunteers’ hands than actually eating the treats they offered her; the chihuahua whose eyes closed in bliss when Rey scratched her behind the ear, and the black lab who daintily accepted every treat offered her even while her tail whirled so fast it was hardly visible.

Ben heard a low, deep, “ _wrr-OOOOF”_ come from further down the line. The old lady said something that sounded like “goodness” and shuffled in the opposite direction. Ben looked at Rey for guidance. She rolled her eyes playfully.

“That’s Blue. She’s a sweetheart, she just has a bark that makes her sound like a Terminator.”

Ben walked down the line until he reached an enormous grey pitbull. “Blue: 2 yo Pitbull mix. I love people!! Don’t be scared of my bark––I just want snuggles. I’m approved for families with other dogs, cats, and kids!”

Blue looked up at him, crouched down, and wiggled her butt in pure joy, ears perked and tail wagging like mad. 

“Hey pretty girl,” said Ben. “Is that you making all that noise?”

“ _wrr-OOOF!”_ She barked again. It sounded as if the bark started in her back feet and rose through an echoing cavern in her chest before she opened her mouth. It was really extraordinary how ferocious she sounded and how friendly she looked. She raised her paw beseechingly and whined softly. Ben crouched down and tried his best to pet her through the wire mesh of her cage door.

“It’s okay. I’m here. We’re here,” he said. “You’re a good girl.”

The other volunteers slowly caught up to him, clearly apprehensive of Blue.

“She’s a dream,” he said over his shoulder, taking care to smile encouragingly at the old lady. 

When everyone saw Ben and Blue’s instant friendship, they all suddenly decided she wasn’t so frightening after all, and they each gave her milk bones and attention. She soaked up their love with her wide pitbull smile, tail never ceasing to wag as long as they all stood there.

Once all of the dogs received pets and milk bones, Rey lead them back through the original shelter and onto the cat wing. Every cat had a vertical cage with three levels for it to explore: there was a litter box on the bottom, and beds and toys throughout the rest. As with the dogs, there was an age range from kittens to elderly cats. Also like the dogs, each cat had a card attached to the front of their enclosure detailing their name, age, and a few key facts about their personality. “I’m friendly and love to play!” read one. “I’ll curl up next to you and nap for hours,” read another. 

The linoleum flooring throughout made everyone’s shoes squeak as they walked. Every surface, floor to ceiling, was immaculately clean. There was no animal smell, even among the cat enclosures with their huge numbers of litter boxes. Everywhere they walked was bright, cheerful, and fresh smelling. The walls were decorated with artwork and framed pictures of adopted animals. The thing that struck Ben the most was how quiet it was; Ben had expected to hear dogs barking at least. Instead there was just the gentle everyday hum of employees and volunteers talking amongst themselves or to the animals.

“For Small Animals 101 the horse stables are not part of the tour; they’re a long walk to get to and sometimes people who like small animals don’t like large animals like horses, and we want you all to be comfortable. But if you _do_ like large animals, never fear! Our Large and Livestock 101 class is just a few weeks away. And if there are any classes you want to take but can’t do the scheduled time, let us know. We’re here for you. Now, onto the main attraction!”

Rey lead them back to the central section and introduced them to Larma D’Acy, the shelter employee in charge of small animals. She was a middle-aged woman, pale of skin with blue eyes and lightly curled blonde hair. Ben thought that with her quiet voice and calm demeanor, Larma was perfect to care for small, skittish creatures.

Together Rey and Larma modeled how to care for each of the animals. There were rabbits, hamsters, chinchillas, mice, rats, gerbils, and guinea pigs. Ben learned a lot about how different each species was, their range of needs and personality types, how to feed them, clean their cages, how to determine if each animal wanted affection, and how to give that affection without overstepping boundaries. 

“When it comes to approaching the animals, something you’ll hear me say, _over and over_ , is the phrase ‘at his pace,’ or ‘at her pace,’” said Rey. She looked to Larma for confirmation, who nodded with a smile. “It really can’t be stressed enough. Absolutely everything we do has to be at the animal’s pace. Otherwise, no matter what our intentions are, we’ll end up hurting the animal’s wellbeing in the long run.”

“Now take this little guy, Gary,” she said. She opened a cage and held up a grey rat whom Ben did not find little at all. “He is a cuddlebug. He _loves_ affection. Don’t you, honey?” she cooed at him as she held him up to her face. Gary touched his nose to Rey’s and wiggled his ears in obvious pleasure. Ben couldn’t blame him. “Sometimes if I’ve got a shirt with a pocket, I like to just relax for a few minutes and let him take a snooze.”

She demonstrated by depositing the rat into the breast pocket of her flannel shirt, and then gently stroking his head with her forefinger. 

“But see this little guy in here?” she said, pointing into a cage on her right. Ben and the rest of the group obediently shuffled around to look into the cage. There was a very similar rat inside, but backed up into the corner of its cage, clearly fearful. “Him we don’t touch, because he doesn’t like to be touched. I don’t think even you handle him very often, do you, Larma?”

Larma shook her head. “Not if I can avoid it, no.”

“So you see,” said Rey. “Everything is dependent on what the animal needs. We go at their pace.”

After the class was over, Rey caught up to him as everyone was heading to their cars. 

“Hey! Did you enjoy your first class?” she asked. She smiled at him, flashing her dimples and unconsciously making his heart beat several times faster. 

“It was great!” he said. He was surprised to find her approaching him, but not about to question it. “You’re a great teacher.”

“Thanks,” she said, ducking her head. “I actually wanted to thank you though, for giving Blue a chance and showing the others that she’s not scary. The staff all know what a softie she is, but the volunteers take longer to warm up to her and it breaks her heart. So, good job!”

“What happened?” said a voice behind Ben’s shoulder. 

“Finn!” said Rey. “Come and meet Ben, one of our new volunteers.”

Finn walked up and held out his hand for Ben to shake, but Ben got the impression he did so reluctantly. Finn was a handsome black man, of medium height and build. Ben glanced at Rey’s face and saw confusion flit over her features, which confirmed Ben’s suspicion that she’d expected him to be more friendly.

Ben shifted from foot to foot.

“So you’re Ben Solo, huh? Glad to meet you,” said Finn. He didn’t sound insincere, but Ben wondered if he meant it all the same. Finn gave Rey a sideways glance. “My girlfriend Rose and I might have heard all about Rey meeting Han Solo’s son.”

“ _Finn_ , shut up,” said Rey, flushing. She elbowed him in the side in a not at all subtle way which Ben studiously ignored. “Ben, this is Finn Storm: he’s worst roommate ever, and the lead staff member for dogs. Finn, Ben helped me out introducing the newbies to Blue! He wasn’t afraid of her at all.” 

“Awesome,” said Finn, still eying Ben, though his expression had changed from suspicious to speculative. “Listen, Rey, I need your help for a minute. Sorry to call you away. We’ll see you around, Ben.”

Finn then took Rey by the elbow and lead her firmly away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come and find me on tumblr if you like! I'm JaneNightwork there as well as here.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben settles in at the shelter and gets to know some of the other people who work there. He and Rey have a bit of an adventure at an adoption event.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The response and the lovely comments on this fic have made my day—every single one of them! Thank you all so much for reading, subscribing, kudos-ing and commenting.
> 
> Extra special thanks to my wonderful beta readers, [Hydra_bitch_please01](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hydra_bitch_please01/pseuds/Hydra_bitch_please01) and [Redbells](https://archiveofourown.org/users/redbells/pseuds/redbells).

 

 

Ben was surprised by how much he liked the smaller animals. He’d assumed they’d be okay (only an asshole would genuinely hate bunnies), but he hadn’t expected to like them as much as he did. They were quiet and cute, and he found their small habits more interesting than he’d have guessed. Even the rats grew on him. As Rey predicted, he found their demeanor quite similar to dogs. 

Over the next few weeks he kept to his word and attended almost all of Rey’s beginner classes. He also tried to come in and log hours at least once a week. It was a cramp on his schedule, which was a welcome change despite the inconvenience. With Snoke he had been constantly busy working, but he’d had absolutely no personal life. He barely had time to shower and eat on some days, such were Snoke’s outrageous demands. After Snoke, he’d worked long hours finishing his degree, but had no friends to fill his sudden glut of free time. Now that he had a job he liked with reasonable hours, and friends he enjoyed seeing, he worried that volunteering would cut into his gym and everyday errands time. Instead he found it cut severely into his binge-Netflix-and-mope time. A change for the better, then. 

As he learned more about each subspecialty, he got to know the employees in charge of each animal type. Larma taught him a lot about hamsters, gerbils, guinea pigs, chinchillas, mice, rats, and rabbits. His initial impression of her as calm and knowledgeable turned out to be accurate. She was also quite firm: when Easter came around he watched her tell multiple families in no uncertain terms that rabbits were _not_ a temporary pet, and they should just get their child a rabbit plushie instead. She confided to him once that she approached Holdo every Easter about suspending rabbit adoptions around the holiday. She hoped next year Holdo would finally go for it, so she’d be free of “these packs of dunderheaded arsemongers.” Ben had guffawed in surprised laughter.  

Apart from getting to know Rey, the thing Ben had been looking forward most when he started at the shelter was working with dogs. Despite the lingering feeling that Finn didn’t trust him, he had a good experience being trained by him. Finn was charming, with a warmth and social ease that Ben envied. Everyone at the shelter, whether volunteer, employee, or potential adopter, loved Finn. Ben also noted that most of the people who liked men were at least a little in love with him. He seemed to love everyone, too, but romantically he only had eyes for his girlfriend, Rose Tico, another Endor Moon employee. Finn helped Ben with the basics of dog-walking and feeding, and encouraged him to spend one-on-one playtime with the “beginner-level dogs” as well. 

Ben’s favorite thing about Finn was one of the few weaknesses he ever showed. Finn could work with any dog, regardless of their history or behavioral issues. He was also completely unafraid to step in the middle of dogfights (on the memorable occasion a volunteer messed up and put two reactive dogs together). His kryptonite, though, was the horses. No matter how gentle or mild the horse, Finn was utterly terrified of them. When asked why, he grumbled something about Rose’s horses trying to kill him a few years before. In response to this Rose always laughed, kissed him, told him she loved him, and called him “dummy.”  

Rose was Ben’s favorite person at the shelter besides Rey. She was a tiny, heroic Vietnamese woman who was in charge of the large animals — mostly horses, but there were also donkeys, two llamas, and a potbellied pig. Unlike Finn, Rose feared _nothing_. The first day they worked together he watched her walk straight up to a Clydesdale stallion easily twelve times her size and scold him for frightening the donkey in the stall next to him. Scold him, like an errant first grader. The horse was rearing, stomping, and charging the gate of his stall. The name tag on his stall read Théoden, but Ben thought he looked more like the horses the Nazgûl rode than the King of Rohan. Rose didn’t bat an eyelash. Even more remarkable, she had him calmed down in a matter of seconds. 

“He’s afraid of you,” Rose said to Ben as she stroked the stallion’s trembling neck. She seemed troubled and surprised. 

“He,” said Ben, eying the fearsome stallion, “is afraid of me?”

“Yeah. We don’t know a lot about his situation before he came here, but I’m pretty sure he was abused. He’s reacted to people before, but never this badly. You must look like whoever hurt him.”

“Oh. Should I not be in here, then?” said Ben. Suddenly the horse didn’t seem like a monster so much as an equine version of himself. If someone who reminded him of Snoke suddenly turned up, he might have snorted and stamped, too.

“Well I wouldn’t recommend trying to ride him just yet,” Rose deadpanned. “But if you follow my instructions we can work together and gain his trust.”

Weeks passed. Ben cleaned hamsters’ cages, brought hay to horses, and walked dogs. He slowly made friends with more and more of the animals, and it warmed his heart immeasurably when they were happy to see him. He accepted Rose’s offer to work with Théoden. It took careful and meticulous work, but eventually they reached a detente and then a healthy respect for each other. The first time Théoden accepted an apple treat from Ben’s hand was one of his proudest moments.  

One day in mid-July Ben volunteered to help with an adoption event at a local pet store. It was on a Friday evening, so he wasn’t able to be there for the whole day. He rushed through city traffic, trying not to let stress get the better of him. He’d told Rey he would be there by six, but his last meeting of the day had run unexpectedly long, there were fender benders on the highway, and he’d forgot his shelter clothes at home. He thought he’d have time to go home and change, but now he’d have to be awkward and wear his suit or be late. It also meant he’d be eating two protein bars for dinner, which would be enough to keep his blood sugar from tanking, but it would make for a depressing and tasteless meal. He toyed briefly with the idea of texting the group chat that he was going to be late, but the idea of not seeing Rey weighed more heavily on him than any of the other inconveniences he faced. 

He walked in at six-fifteen, frazzled and frantic. It was an independent pet shop, smaller than most chain stores. Immediately when he walked in he saw Rey sitting at a long folding table, around which she’d set up several playpens for kittens and puppies. There were also portable cages for adult cats and dogs, and a few of the smaller animals, too. 

All of his apologies — _so sorry I’m late, fucking traffic, I know I look ridiculous but how can I help_ — died on his lips when Rey looked up and caught sight of him. She broke into a huge grin.

“Hey!” she said, waving. “Don’t you look dapper. Did you come here straight from work?”

“Yeah,” he said. “Didn’t have time to go home and change. How’s the event going?”

“ _Good_ ,” she said. “Really good. We’ve got a bunch of applications in. Anything more today is just an extra success.”

He sat down behind the table next to her. There weren’t many people in the shop, but there were indeed ‘Application Received!’ signs on several of the cages. A successful outing, then. 

“Do you need a break? I can cover for you, if you want,” he said.

“Nah. Tell me about your day. You looked ready to rip out your hair when you walked in.”

Ben realized with a brief pang of self consciousness that he didn’t think anyone had ever asked him about his day before. But he did the best he could not to _sound_ like someone who never told anyone about their day. He talked about a few things that had happened, turning them into entertaining stories instead of just complaining. He didn’t want to sound like a privileged asshole. 

“So then Mitaka walks into my office. He’s our high school summer intern. He looks about ten years old but is at least fourteen, I think? Anyway, he doesn’t even walk into the office, more like _up to_. He’s clinging to the door frame, trembling in every limb. He tells me the droid stole a freighter.”

Rey burst out laughing. “What?!”

“He thought that’s what happened! He thought _the droid stole a freighter._ I didn’t even want to correct him at first. His faith in my programming was so high he thought I could give the droids self determination.”

“So what did happen?” Rey asked.

“We’re not sure, but it’s probably just a — ” Ben started.

“Hey.”

Ben and Rey both turned to look up at a man his mother would have labeled “name-brand handsome.” He was tall, built, blonde of hair and blue of eye. The way he looked at Rey set every one of Ben’s teeth on edge. 

Lots of people looked at Rey like she was beautiful; she _was_ beautiful. This man looked at her with casual appraisal, as if she was something he could order off of a menu. 

“Hi!” said Rey. She smiled back at him.

“So, these guys are up for adoption, huh?” said the man.

_No, you fucking troglodyte,_ Ben thought, _the enormous Endor Moon Adoption Event banner is fake_. _We’re selling Girl Scout Cookies._

“All the ones we don’t already have applications for, yep!” said Rey. The man smiled and nodded as if this was new information. His eyes flicked dismissively over the animals before he turned back to Rey with a smirk. 

“I just _love_ animals. It makes me so sad to see them in cages. I’ve been meaning to get a dog for a while now. Do you have any available?”

“We have lots,” said Rey. She sounded on the verge of laughter. “As you can see.”

Right at that moment an elderly woman walked up and, seeing Rey occupied, addressed Ben. 

“Hello. I saw your banner, and I was hoping you’d have some cats still available?” she said.

“We sure do,” he said. He got up and walked around the edge of the table, as much to avoid watching the name-brand-handsome gym bro flirt with Rey as to help the woman. 

Helen, the old lady, was very sweet. It turned out she’d recently lost her cat of twenty-two years to cancer, and while she thought she’d never want another pet, she had a dream that Fluffy didn’t want her to be alone. She sniffled a bit telling him this, and Ben awkwardly patted her shoulder and told her he was sure that Fluffy was indeed watching over her. She thanked him with a watery smile. 

He introduced Helen to each of the adult cats (correctly assuming a kitten would be too high-energy for her). Meanwhile, he kept an eye on Rey. She seemed to be enjoying her conversation with the dudebro well enough, laughing and smiling. Ben felt a horrible emptiness open in his chest, but resolved to ignore it until he could go home and be miserable in peace. He absolutely would not pout like a jealous teenager. 

Helen had just decided to put in an adoption application for Snowball, an outgoing, affectionate three year old shorthair, when chaos descended.

“ _Hey!_ ” Rey shouted. Before Ben could even turn his head he heard a resounding smack and a shout of pain.

He turned to see the dudebro clutching at his temple. Rey stood with her shoulders back, teeth bared, and a cardboard scratching post in her hand.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing? You don’t touch me,” she snarled.

Ben launched himself between them, facing Rey.

“Did he hurt you?” He looked her over. She looked furious but neither frightened nor injured. 

“No. I got him,” she said. 

“This is bullshit!” said the dudebro. “I didn’t touch you. You’re insane.”

Rey looked at the other man. Ben felt terror and awe settle into his bones at the look on her face. He wondered grimly what it said about him that he found her rage so arousing, but quickly decided that this was Rey. Everything about her appealed to him.  

The dudebro further demonstrated his stupidity by opening his mouth to speak again, heedless of Rey’s anger, and his.

“You touched her. Don’t argue — you know you did. If you don’t shut the fuck up and walk out of here I will smash your nose up into your skull,” he said.  

“What a terrible young man!” said Helen, watching as the dudebro stomped his way out of the shop. 

“Yes,” said Ben. Now that the adrenaline was wearing off, he winced at his threat. 

He looked at Rey, wondering if her opinion of him had changed. He found her and Helen both looking at him with raised eyebrows, but without terror on their faces. He relaxed incrementally. 

“Well that was an adventure,” she said. “Now I’m hungry. The Chinese place across the parking lot’s got great dumplings. You in?”

“Uh, sure,” he said. 

They got Helen squared away with her application for Snowball and then put up a Be Right Back! sign. Soon they were seated at the Chinese restaurant with multiple plates of dumplings piled high in front of them.

“I hope that poor woman doesn’t think I’m a monster,” Ben said to himself. “And I’m sorry, Rey, if me acting like that made you uncomfortable.”

She quirked an “are you serious” look at him, mouth moving around the three or four dumplings she was chewing on. She held up a finger, finished chewing her food, and took a sip of tea.

“Uh, no. That asshole was the monster. You just…spoke to him in a language he understood. Besides, do you think _I’m_ a monster for clocking him with that scratching post?”

“Of course not!”

“Well, then,” she shrugged. “Besides, you doing what you did is why I invited you to eat. To say thanks. And I don’t think Helen thinks you’re a monster, either. She probably thinks you were just helping me. So: no monsters at this table.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come and find me on tumblr, too, at [JaneNightwork](http://janenightwork.tumblr.com).


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Finn have a heartfelt heart-to-heart; Ben and Rey work together to help a fearful dog overcome her anxieties; Rey offers to help Ben overcome his fear of cats.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of my absolute favorite chapters, and I'm so happy to share it with you! I hope you enjoy. 
> 
> As always, a huge thank-you to my wonderful beta readers, [Hydra_bitch_please01](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hydra_bitch_please01/pseuds/Hydra_bitch_please01) and [Redbells](https://archiveofourown.org/users/redbells/pseuds/redbells).

 

Finn caught up with him the next time he was at the shelter.

“I heard what you did, standing up for Rey like that,” he said. “And I just wanna say thanks. Rey can take her of herself, but it’s good to know she’s got other people who have her back.”

“Of course,” said Ben. 

“And there’s something else: I’m sorry I was little skeptical of you at first.” Finn grimaced and rubbed the back of his neck. “The thing is, Rey’s hot. We get guys around here sometimes, acting like they wanna volunteer, but they don't really care about the animals. They’re just trying to get laid. It hurts Rey’s feelings. She was all excited to meet you ‘cause she’s a fan of your dad’s and I just—I thought you were maybe giving her the business. But I as wrong, and I’m sorry.”

Ben was touched. Even better, Finn treated him much more warmly after that, and invited Ben into more high-level training activities for the dogs. He taught him how to teach dogs fun tricks, how to approach shy or reactive dogs, and even how to cope when one of his favorite dogs got adopted. 

Ben had picked up a rope toy specifically for Blue. She loved playing tug of war with rope toys, and he’d found one that he thought she’d especially like. Ben had been secretly contemplating adopting her himself; he got along great with her and could easily see her in his life. Caught up with these happy thoughts, he arrived at her enclosure only to find it empty and an “I went home!” sticker placed over her name card. He stood and stared at the empty enclosure, dumbfounded and heartsick. 

Finn clapped him on the shoulder and said, “Look, Solo. I know it’s tough. But we here—”

“Did you just call me ‘Solo?’” said Ben, so surprised as to be knocked out of his sadness.

“Uh, yeah. I did. Problem?”

“No. Carry on.”

“Right. We here have to do the impossible: treat every dog as if they were our own, and let every dog go as if we’ve never met them. I’m not gonna lie to you. It doesn’t get any easier. But that’s what we do. Worse, we have to _want_ these dogs to go. This isn’t the place for them, Solo. This place is the jackpot of shelters: we’re no-kill, we’ve got swanky donors, the works. But they still deserve better, you know that. And the longer each animal stays here, the more we can’t save because there isn’t room.”

“Yeah,” said Ben. He looked down at the rope toy he’d brought for Blue. “I just wish I could’ve given this to her, though. Said goodbye.”

Finn nodded. “I get it. But don’t worry. The thing about dogs, Solo, is they know. They always know, when you love them.” 

The shelter had a sort of living room attached to the dog kennel area, designed to acclimate dogs to being in a human environment. It had a couch, a tv, and a desk. Sometimes he and Rey would take a dog into the living room and watch tv together, and it was those times that Ben felt closest to her. She’d sit on one end of the couch, he on the other, and let the dog curl up between them as they watched cooking shows or sitcoms—nothing too loud or dramatic, to avoid startling the dog. It was quiet, domestic, and intimate. More than once Ben reflected that this was what he wanted from life: a comfortable couch, a furry companion, and someone to sit with, talk to, and laugh with. 

While Finn specialized in rehabilitating dogs with aggression issues, Rey more often handled the dogs that were completely shut down with fear. Rey had been talking to him about one dog, Gracie, for months before Ben finally met her. Gracie was one of several dogs that had been rescued from an abusive household, but it seemed she had received the worst treatment of all. Rey told Ben that in the beginning no one could get within ten feet of Gracie without her screaming in terror, or trying so hard to run away she was willing to hurt herself in the process. Now, though, after months of patience, Gracie and Rey had developed a bond.

“She’s doing so well that I think she’s ready to meet a new person. Why don’t you bring your lunch into the living room? Don’t approach her or look at her; the idea is for her to realize that you’re just in the room and she can decide for herself to approach you or ignore you. We’ll see how she takes it,” said Rey.

“What if I scare her?” said Ben. Rey shrugged.

“That’s okay. We just back up, reestablish what she’s comfortable with, and go at her pace. But I really think she’ll be okay with you.”

When the time came, Ben got his lunch from the staff fridge and made his way to the living room. He opened the door, walked in slowly, and closed it behind him. 

He cast a glance over the room to see where Gracie was so he wouldn’t accidentally make eye contact with her. He spotted her easily: a small, deep-bronze golden retriever, lying on the couch next to Rey, with her head in Rey’s lap. 

Ben sat at the desk and began pulling his lunch out of its container.

“How’re we doing?” he asked, voice soft and eyes trained on his lunch.

“Doing great,” said Rey. “She’s curious about you but I’m not seeing any stress. This is a big deal.”

Over the next few weeks Rey very, very slowly increased Ben’s contact with Gracie. They continued to eat lunch in the living room, and eventually Gracie got comfortable enough to walk over and investigate Ben.

“Okay, Ben, no sudden movements. Looks like she’s just coming over to sniff your shoes,” said Rey. Ben dutifully did not move other than to continue eating his sandwich. He felt a very gentle press around his ankle, and from the corner of his eye he could see Gracie sniffing at him, ears perked. He didn’t dare say anything, but his heart soared.

“Good girl, Gracie. Such a brave, brave girl,” Rey cooed when Gracie walked back to her. 

“She really is,” Ben remarked. 

Soon Ben and Rey were both able to sit on the couch together and Gracie would either lie between them or, on especially good days, she would bring a rope toy to Ben and they’d play tug of war. Seeing Gracie come out of her shell was heartwarming and inspiring for its own sake, but it was even more wonderful to see the hope and joy blooming in Rey’s eyes every time Gracie made a new stride forward. 

Apart from events and working with dogs, Ben didn’t see Rey as often as he would’ve liked to, for two reasons. The first was that he still felt a lingering anxiety about crowding Rey or bothering her with his attentions. The second was that her specialty was cats. 

Ben was not the biggest fan of cats. 

Growing up, he’d never had any opinion about cats one way or another. During the dark years, though, his coworker Hux had had a cat named Millicent. The thing was a monster, a yowling demon wrapped in pedigreed fur (no plucky strays for the eugenics-obsessed Hux). The cat was as evil as his human: though he’d never tried to pet her, she twice clawed him badly enough to need stitches, and once bit him on the hand, a wound which had promptly got infected. His hand had swelled to twice its natural size and throbbed in agony. Hux and Snoke had thought it was hilarious. Ben had naturally henceforth assumed that cats were not for him.

It took him two extra months to work up the courage to take Rey’s Level One cat and kitten class, and even then it was only because she caught up with him and asked him why he hadn’t.

Ben sat on the floor in one of the small animal enclosures, making a new friend. Bonnie was a small white rabbit with grey ears. She’d just recently been surrendered by one of those “dunderheaded arsemonger” families that Larma hated so much. She’d been bought for a child for Easter, and then the kid’s parents quickly realized rabbits were more care than they wanted to be bothered with. Bonnie was shy but adjusting well to Endor Moon. She didn’t like to be handled by people she didn’t know, but she _did_ enjoy the simple presence of a human, so that she could approach at her own pace. By this time Ben had got into the habit of bringing a book with him to the shelter: most of the animals enjoyed the sound of his voice, so he read to them a lot. That day he’d been re-reading some Stephen Hawking. Bonnie stayed on the other end of the cage, pretending to ignore him, but he saw her ears twitch every now and then as she listened.

Rey entered the room behind him. He didn’t know she was there until she spoke.

“I thought I heard your voice,” she said softly. He started a bit and turned to look at her. She wore a soft, dreamy smile that made butterflies stir in his stomach. She went on, “You should record audiobooks; your voice is great. We could play them in the evenings to keep the animals company. Hell, I’d listen to you read to me about anything.”

The compliment warmed him from head to toe, and made him feel approximately ten feet tall.

He imagined her at his apartment with him, relaxing on the couch. He’d noticed she got cold easily, so he’d light a fire in the fireplace and give her a blanket, and maybe a cup of coffee. He’d read her Tolkien, or just let her pick something she liked. He imagined them curled up together with her head on his shoulder. He’d buy an anthology of love poems and read them to her, holding the book with one hand and stroking her hair with the other.

These were daydreams which, he reminded himself, were spectacularly unlikely to come true.

“We’ve got some nice microphones at my work. I could try to record something. Any requests?” he said. 

“ _Pride & Prejudice,_” she said, a little too quickly, and then flushed. 

“I like that one, too,” he said to reassure her. “Austen it is.”

“So why haven’t I seen you in my cat class?” she asked. She walked closer and kneeled down to pet a rabbit in the enclosure next to to the one he sat in. Then she leveled him with a mischievous look. “Do you think cats are only for girls? Worried about being emasculated?”

He could tell she didn’t mean a word she said, but pretended to be affronted nonetheless.

“I am sitting here reading _A Brief History of Time_ to Bonnie the bunny,” he said. “Surely you don’t think I’m worried about that.”

“No, of course not really,” she said. “But seriously, is it a scheduling thing or an ‘I don’t like cats’ thing? It’s okay if you don’t want to, don’t get me wrong. You’re just so good with all the other animals.”

“I had a bad experience with a cat a few years ago, but I’m gonna take the class. I promise.”

“Awesome!” she said with a grin. “Not about your bad experience, I mean. Obviously. About you taking the class. My next level one class is Sunday morning.”

“Oh no, shit. I’m sorry. I can’t make it,” said Ben. Normally his D&D group met on Thursday nights, but Jess had organized a special event for that Sunday. His character, a tiefling sorcerer, was essential to the party because they were about to confront a pack of druids and his character was the only high-level magic wielder.

“Church?” she asked.

“Nope, I’m Jewish. It’s—D&D. My D&D group is playing a special session this coming Sunday.”

Once again Snoke appeared in his mind, howling with laughter that a grown man would willingly tell a beautiful woman that he was spending his Sunday morning playing _Dungeons & Dragons_. “Now see, _this_ is why you’re going to die alone,” he would’ve said. Ben held himself stock still. The more uncomfortable he got, the less he fidgeted. When he was most upset or afraid he didn’t run his hands through his hair, or shrug, or avert his gaze. These impulses had been beaten out of him by Snoke; any outward display of vulnerability only invited further strife, so he tried to avoid them. Not that it ever worked—Ben had been informed on multiple occasions that his face was an open book.

Heedless of the low-level crisis Ben was working through, Rey said, “Oh! You play D&D? That’s so cool! Finn and I used to play when we were kids, cuz we were poor and it was cheap, yanno? We used to share this one super old set of dice. Half the numbers were rubbed off. And nobody would play with us, so we had this crazy system where we’d joint DM and both play multiple characters. I keep trying to get a group started, but none of my friends want to DM.”

“You could join my group.” The words were out before he thought about them. He’d promised himself he wouldn’t push her for a more personal relationship if she didn’t act like she wanted one, but the offer was out there and he wouldn’t retract it now. “If you want. They’re pretty cool. Jess, the DM, is always happy to have more people. I can talk to her.”

“Please do! Now, about your kitten training. I’m not letting you off the hook. If you can’t come in Sunday, can you come in Saturday?”

“Sure. I’d planned on it anyway,” said Ben. Rey grinned, and Ben felt his heart turn over.

“Great! I’ll just give you a one-on-one training,” she said. Ben gaped at her. 

“What? You don’t have to do that. I can wait. We usually meet on Thursdays, not Sundays.”

“If it was inconvenient, I wouldn’t have offered,” she reassured him. “Your skill level is a bit high for the first level class anyway. I want to tailor the training to you, to help you get past these bad experiences you’re alluding to.” 

“Besides,” she said, smiling softly at him, “Everybody else around here gets to see you all the time, and I hardly ever do. I’m starting to get jealous.”

Ben’s tongue felt like it weighed about ten pounds, but his heart felt as if it had just burst into an infinite number of champagne bubbles. _I’m always here for you_ , he wanted to say. _You can see me as much as you want. Don’t be jealous, no one holds a candle to you._ He couldn’t say any of that, or rather he knew from experience that if he tried he’d say something ridiculous. But he had to say something—he couldn’t just continue to stare at her like a twitterpated fool.

“We can’t have that,” he managed eventually. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like, tell me what you liked! Your comments and kudos make my day every time.
> 
> Come find me on tumblr at [JaneNightwork.](http://janenightwork.tumblr.com)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is determined to turn Ben into a cat guy. Ben is only too happy to let her try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the wonderful response to the last chapter! I loved all of your comments so much. Also, side note: if anyone has pet stories they're willing to share, please please feel free to do so! I love hearing about people's furbabies. Even if it's something as simple as, "My cat sat next to me while I read this."
> 
> As always, an extra special thanks to my beta readers, [Hydra_bitch_please01](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hydra_bitch_please01/pseuds/Hydra_bitch_please01) and [Redbells](https://archiveofourown.org/users/redbells/pseuds/redbells).

 

 

 

Saturday morning, Ben stood in front of the mirror in his apartment debating outfit choices like a girl in a teen movie about to go on her first date. Despite the somewhat strict dress code of the shelter he had a number of outfits to choose from; his collection of “shelter clothes” had grown to almost the size of his gym clothes collection. Was it strange to put in as much effort getting ready to hang out with a bunch of cats as he would for a date? Ben’s life had already taken several unexpected turns, so he decided not to dwell on it. That way he could dwell on making sure he didn’t _appear_ as though this was as important to him as a date. He finally settled on a pair of black jeans he wore all the time at the shelter and a black t-shirt that he thought made his shoulders look nice and wide. 

He debated for an embarrassing amount of time whether to bring Rey a coffee as a thank you for setting up the one on one training. Eventually he found himself in the drive-thru line at Starbucks still worrying about it, so he just rolled his eyes and went for it. 

He found Rey waiting for him in the conference room where all the trainings started. He held up the coffee he brought her in greeting. Her eyes lit up.

“Coffee? You know the way to my heart.” She took the cup and motioned for him to sit down. “Now, before we get started, tell me about your bad cat experience.”

He explained about Millicent and her behavior. 

“I know all animals are different, obviously,” he said. “But it just seemed like every time I walked into the house, she chased me down and attacked me. I still carry the scars.” He held up his hand to show her where Millicent bit him.

She surprised him by taking his hand gently in hers. She turned his wrist over so she could look at the scar and made a small sound of sympathy. 

“This is awful, Ben. I’ve been scratched before, and bitten. But never anything this bad. What did your friend do, when this happened?” she said. Her small hand still held his, fingertips tracing over his scar as if to soothe it away. Her movements were so light and thoughtless Ben wondered if she even realized she was doing it. He concentrated on acting natural, afraid that he would otherwise bring the moment to an abrupt end. 

“He laughed,” said Ben. He knew it would upset her to hear the truth, but he wouldn’t lie to her. She gasped and squeezed his hand. For a moment she looked horrified. Then her face settled into anger. 

“I want to punch him.”

Ben couldn’t help but laugh. Not at her—that was one mistake he’d never make—but at the thought of how sweet the justice would be if she did smash Hux’s nose in. 

“He would deserve that on a number of different levels.”

“Too right he would! How a person treats animals tells me a lot about who they are. No cat just magically becomes that aggressive. They only lash out like that when they’re frightened or in pain. Some pet owners have good intentions, but they run into problems and need help. I understand that. The fact that he _laughed_ when you were injured isn’t fine. It tells me he knew his cat was suffering and didn’t give a shit. He knew _you_ were suffering and he didn’t give a shit. Cat bites are serious. You could have really got hurt! He sounds like a horrible person.”

“He was. Is.”

“Well, fuck him. I have happy news: you will never have to go through that again. We treat our people right, and our cats, too. If any cat shows behavioral or aggression issues on intake, we work with them so they can get better. Now, let me give you some fun examples of what cat behavior _should_ look like, so you can see how lovable they are.”

She took out her phone and showed him a number of cat videos and pictures, mostly from her own experience. Some were funny, some just cute. She explained why she liked each of the videos and what it demonstrated about cat behavior. She also showed a few educational videos from other cat rescuers and researchers like herself. Soon he felt much more confident about interacting with the cats, or at least less terrified that he’d be scratched to ribbons again. 

“Let’s go through this boring stuff so we can move on,” she said. 

Rey’s “boring stuff” was a packet of worksheets with explanations of basic cat behaviors, postures, and habits. He learned what body language indicators meant “play with me!” and which meant “back off!” 

“Now for the fun part,” she grinned. “Come on!”

He thought she would lead him to the cat enclosures, but instead she took a turn and opened the door to one of the cat socialization rooms. “You wait here,” she said. “I’ll bring you some new friends.”

In the room there were two chairs, a cat tree, and a box full of cat toys. Ben sat on one of the chairs and tried not to be nervous. He knew he wouldn’t hate the cats. But he still had an irrational fear that, no matter what Rey said about Millicent being an outlier, they would hate him. He didn’t want to disappoint her. 

Rey walked back into the room holding a cat carrier, from which more than one kitten could be heard mewing. 

“No one can withstand the power of the kitten,” she said triumphantly. She put the carrier on the floor, opened it, and bent her head to talk to the kittens. “Come on out of there, babies.” 

Four kittens bumbled their way out of the carrier. They were tiny, fuzzy, rolly-polly, and unspeakably adorable. There was an all black one with striking green eyes, an orange tabby, an all white one, and a calico with white, black, and orange patches.

“Oh, right away you bring out the big guns,” Ben laughed.

“Naturally!” she smiled up at him. “This is the Harry Potter litter—I name them in batches. Here we’ve got Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Draco. They’re about seven weeks old, so just one more week with me before they’re ready to be adopted. Their personalities are all really starting to shine.”

The calico kitten wandered toward Ben. She looked up at him and _mewed_ expectantly. He bent down to offer her his hand as he’d been taught. “Hey little guy, what do you need?” he said.

“Little girl,” Rey corrected. “Most calicos and torties are girls. That’s Hermione. What she needs is snuggles.” 

Rey walked over, scooped Hermione up, and deposited her on Ben’s knee.   

Startled by this turn of events, Ben brought his hands down to shield Hermione from falling off of him. Hermione looked up at him and _mewed_ again. She was so tiny that the effort of making the sound raised her whole body up nearly an inch. 

“Cradle her, Ben. Like this,” she said. “Come here, Draco.” She picked the white kitten up and laid him against the juncture of her neck and shoulder, supporting him with a hand at the base of his spine. Draco nuzzled against Rey and began making biscuits on the collar of her shirt, while Harry and Ron tumbled around each other beside her knee.

“Okay Hermione, what do you say? Do you wanna be friends?” he held her up in front of his face.

“ _Mew!_ ” said Hermione, straining forward. She reached out her front two paws to Ben’s nose, but not to scratch. She just wanted to pat at him. He brought her closer, and she touched her nose to his three times, and then rubbed her head on him.

“Kitten kisses!” crowed Rey. “Oh, she _likes_ you.” 

Ben cradled Hermione as Rey had shown him. Hermione immediately curled up against his neck, heaved an enormous sigh, and then began purring. She purred so loud and so hard her entire body vibrated, and then she promptly fell asleep.

“She’s so sweet,” said Ben.

“I knew it,” Rey beamed. “I knew I could turn you.” 

Ben moved to the floor next to Rey, the better to cuddle and play with all the kittens at the same time. In less than five minutes Ben was laying flat on his back with all four kittens climbing over him. Harry (the all black one with the green eyes), and Ron (the orange tabby), laid down on his stomach and began grooming each other. 

Ben reached up and petted Harry behind the ear. He stopped grooming Ron and turned to groom Ben’s hand instead. Ben laughed. 

“Why’d you name the black one Harry and the white one Draco, instead of the other way around?” said Ben. He looked up at Rey. She sat butterfly style next to him, leaning over a bit to look at his face. She wore a soft, affectionate smile. She looked like Princess Ariel leaning over the freshly rescued Prince Eric in _The Little Mermaid_. For a split second Ben thought she might lean down to kiss him, before dismissing the idea as ridiculous. She straightened and seemed to shake herself from her thoughts.

“Black cats are still the least often adopted. And with an ‘evil’-sounding name like Draco Malfoy, that would harm his chances even more. Plus, Harry in the books has black hair and bright green eyes. So I thought that might help him.”

“I can’t imagine someone not adopting a cat because he’s black. I mean, fucking—look at him! He’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen!” said Ben. “Except you, Hermione.” 

Ben didn’t want to say goodbye to the little ones, Hermione especially, but Rey laughingly told him that they would be there for him to visit for at least one more week. 

The next cat she brought in was a Siamese, mostly white with some grey and beautiful blue eyes. “This is Lady,” said Rey. “She’s been here for a long time. She’s really sweet but we’re having trouble getting her adopted out because she’s eleven years old, and she’s FIV positive.”

Lady was shyer than the kittens, preferring to walk around the room and sniff cautiously at things. She sniffed a few of the toys and then pulled her head back and sneezed, her face twisted into an adorably confused expression that made Ben and Rey both laugh. She turned her ears sideways at this, and in retribution she ignored Ben’s outstretched hand the first time she walked by him. But the second time she rubbed her side against his leg as she walked by. Eventually she came back and deigned to let him scratch under her chin, purring softly. He remembered from their worksheets that FIV could not be transmitted to humans, and was only transmitted to other cats through deep bites. 

“People are so dumb, Rey. She could live another ten years, and they’re passing her up?”

“People aren’t dumb,” she said gently. “They’re scared and misinformed. You hear ‘IV’ and right away your mind goes to HIV, and all sorts of horrible associations come with that. And they hear that she’s ‘senior’ and they think they’ll have her a month, fall in love with her, and then she’ll die. _You_ know that’s not true, and so do I. They don’t. It’s our job to set them right.”

Ben picked Lady up and settled her against his chest. Lady curled her tail around his arm. 

“ _Prr-rrp?_ ” Lady chirped and then turned her head, bumping her forehead against Ben’s mouth. Instinctively he gave her a kiss on the top of her head. Thus encouraged, Lady tilted her head again, and Ben kissed her again. 

Soon Lady was curled happily in Ben’s lap, purring in her sleep. Ben gently stroked the top of her head, down her spine and felt his own heart rate slow. The tension in his shoulders relaxed. He felt peaceful knowing that he’d brought comfort and peace to Lady.

“Well, I’m in love,” said Ben. Rey put her hands over her heart and beamed at him.

“So is she. There’ll be no separating you now.”

Later, once they’d reluctantly brought Lady back to her enclosure, Rey turned to Ben with a conspiratorial grin. 

“You wanna learn how to feed the babies?”

“I thought volunteers weren’t allowed to do that?” he said. 

“You’ve logged enough hours.” She gave him a hand-wave almost exactly like his father’s. “I don’t advertise baby-feeding as a volunteer thing because then everyone would just want to feed the babies and not do anything else. I want the older cats to get playtime and socialization, too. But between you and me, volunteers can learn to bottle feed at my discretion. Congratulations! You meet my standards.”

The neonatal care room was just off the laundry room, and was the smallest of the shelter’s dedicated spaces. There were metal shelves stocked with medical equipment and supplies that Ben didn’t recognize, a mini fridge, microwave, and boxes and bins filled with blankets, towels, and stuffed animals. On the floor were several huge glass tanks, the kind usually used for large reptiles. On the floor perpendicular to the tanks were two small playpens. Inside one was the Harry Potter litter; the other was empty. Two of the glass tanks had occupants, both containing three or four kittens each. And there was something on the metal shelves that Ben’s eyes had skipped right over, but when he heard meowing inside he walked up to it to get a closer look. It was the vague shape of a breadbox, but was obviously a sort of incubator. Like the playpens and fish tanks, it had blankets, toys, and a stuffed animal inside. Two incredibly small tortoiseshell kittens were inside, curled up next to a stuffed panda bear. He stepped back and looked at the device, trying to think of what it reminded him of. Finally it came to him.

“Rey, is this an Easy Bake Oven?”

Rey laughed. “It’s funny you should say that, because I refer to the ICU as our Easy Bake Kitten Oven. It’s for kittens a week old and younger. It’s my favorite new toy—Holdo convinced somebody—I don’t remember his name, but he was running for office and Holdo told him people would vote for people who help kittens. He bought us two of these ICUs. I keep the other one at home, so I don’t have to sleep here so often. It sets a consistent temperature, I can nebulize medication with it, I can control the humidity, it’s fantastic. A lot of kittens have made it because of this thing that might not have otherwise.”

Ben nodded, impressed. “All hail the Easy Bake.” 

Rey taught Ben how to prepare bottles for the kittens, then put a fresh blanket down on the metal cart and pulled the two kittens out of the ICU.

“Ben, meet Teenie and Tiny. Teenie’s got the pink nose, Tiny’s got the black nose. They are four whole days old! So they need extra TLC. Now, first you gotta help them go to the bathroom. It’s not the cute part, I know, but it’s also not as bad as it sounds. All you do is gently rub them with a tissue. You’re done in a few seconds.”

Of all the things Ben thought he’d find himself doing that day, wiping a kitten’s butt and sincerely hoping it would poop on the tissue in his hand was not among them. But as Rey said, it also wasn’t as bad as he was expecting it to be. They wore gloves, and the mental hurdle of it was worse than anything else. He’d actually had far more disgusting encounters cleaning horse stalls and dog enclosures. (Three weeks earlier he’d met a dog who got diarrhea when he was stressed. Which, since he was in a shelter, was all the time. One time the dog got especially stressed while Ben was standing behind him. The less attention he gave that memory the better.)

“Okay, now comes the cute part,” said Rey. She laid Teenie on her on her stomach on the blanket. Then with one hand she picked up a syringe with a nipple on the end, and with the other hand she held the kitten’s head in place. “These girls have been really good about latching, so you won’t have to worry about that. You just hold them up—you don’t want their heads going down, they could choke—guide them to the nipple, and let them go. Slow and steady, easy does it.”

Teenie latched onto the nipple and ate contentedly. Ben watched, fascinated, as her tiny paws waved through the air around Rey’s fingers and her tail twitched as she ate. 

“You drained the whole syringe!” Rey praised when Teenie was done. “Good girl. We’re gonna get you nice and fat in no time.”

She wiped Teenie’s face of excess formula, placed her back in the ICU, and handed Ben another syringe. “Your turn.”

Rey, with her obvious years of practice in feeding kittens, had made the process look as easy as breathing. Ben lacked the confidence Rey so obviously had in him. His hands were huge compared to Rey’s, for one thing. The kittens were so tiny, so vulnerable, that hurting them seemed a genuine possibility. Ben had launched himself into fist fights without hesitation. He had taken down an unquestionably evil multibillion dollar corporation, and had faced death threats with a roll of the eyes. But what if all of his strength lay only in destroying things? When asked to feed a kitten he was left with terror and shaking hands. 

“You can do this,” said Rey. As ever his distress must have been totally obvious. She took his right hand in hers and guided him, showing him how to hold Tiny’s head so that she was upright, but not constricted. “Hold her in place with your thumb and pointer finger. Rest your pointer finger, very lightly, against her neck so you can feel when she swallows. You want to make sure she’s not choking or spitting up. Use your palm to make sure she doesn’t wiggle too much if something startles her. There, perfect. Now just give her the end of the syringe. She’ll tell you how fast she wants to drink.”

Ben took a deep breath to steady himself when Rey drew her hand away from his. He gently, slowly pressed the button on the syringe. Tiny latched onto the synthetic nipple as soon as the first drop of formula hit her palate and ate happily, greedily. Ben felt her throat muscles contract as she swallowed each mouthful of formula. After a few seconds he began to relax; he hadn’t strangled her or choked her or crushed her. He was a melodramatic sod, but Rey was right, as always. He could do this.

“Look at her ears!” he said in the next instant. Tiny, thoroughly enjoying her meal, was unconsciously twitching her ears with every gulp of formula. He grinned at Rey like a new father. She smiled and nodded, patting him on the back. 

Ben felt something shift deep within his soul. Snoke, and sometimes even his family, had made him feel that he was inherently a danger to himself and those around him. He had instinctively fought that idea, but there had still always been a deep unease inside himself, a fear that they might have been right. Now, with the life of a four day old kitten in the palm of his hand, Ben learned something about himself. He loved Tiny. His only instinct was to nurture and protect her. He was not a destroyer—not now, maybe not ever. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this massively indulgent, three thousand word kitten snugglefest. Please leave a comment if you' d like to; I promise they make my day every time. 
> 
> Also, come by my tumblr and say hi! I'm [JaneNightwork](http://janenightwork.tumblr.com) there, too.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben offers to let Rey drive the Falcon, and her reaction is a little more than he bargained for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovelies! I just want to say again (and probably not for the last time!) that the response to this fic has been beyond my wildest hopes. I treasure every comment, subscription, kudos, bookmark, and even the hit count. If you're new, thank you for giving this story a chance! If you've been here a while, thank you so so much for sticking with me. I love you all dearly.
> 
> Extra special thanks to my betas [Hydra_bitch_please01](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hydra_bitch_please01/pseuds/Hydra_bitch_please01) and [Redbells.](https://archiveofourown.org/users/redbells/pseuds/redbells)

 

Ben dithered a bit about how to bring up the subject of Rey joining his D&D group. He initially decided against mentioning it when they met the next day, but Jess gave him the perfect opportunity when she lamented the smaller size of their group. It was a good group, with a good mix of characters: Wedge, Ben and Jess’ coworker, was old enough to have played the first edition of Dungeons & Dragons and was a veritable treasure trove of lore. Enfys, one of his company’s summer interns, was a delightfully ferocious twenty-year-old college student. Mothma was the biggest surprise. She was on the executive team, old enough to be everyone but Wedge’s mother, and knew nothing whatsoever about D&D until just a few short months ago. But she had proved to be an excellent player and was now the de facto leader of their party. 

“Now that Enfys is taking summer classes and can’t play anymore we’re down to three people in the party. Don’t get me wrong, I love you guys. But I kinda miss making the _big_ battles. I used to DM for a party with fifteen players once. It was chaos, but it was awesome.”

“You could just make a bunch of NPCs,” said Wedge. 

“I could, but it’s not the same,” Jess groused.

“Well,” said Ben. “One of the women at the shelter just said she’s been trying to get a campaign together but nobody wants to DM. I told her I’d ask you about her joining the group, but do you want me to see if the others are down, too?”

Jess narrowed her eyes in friendly suspicion.

“‘Woman at the shelter,’ huh? You mean Rey?”

“ _What_ ,” gasped Mothma in delight. She clapped her hands. “Rey likes D&D? We’ve gotta make this happen!”

Ben felt his ears go red. “It’s not like th—”

“Nope, say no more,” said Jess with a grin. When Ben opened his mouth to protest she laughed and said, “Seriously, Ben. We won’t embarrass you. Now shut up.”

After a great deal of back and forth over the next week, Jess officially moved their D&D venue from her apartment to the shelter. Rey joined, as did Finn, Rose, and Poe, Holdo’s second in command. Ben fretted a little that the two spheres of his life might not mix well together, but they did. Mothma soon began to volunteer at the shelter, too, becoming fast friends with Larma and adopting two of the rabbits herself. Rose, Rey, and Poe took to Jess and the others immediately. 

Ben increased the amount of time he spent volunteering even further, and began to focus more specifically on the cats. The more time he spent with them, the more he loved them. Millicent was _not_ a fair representative of her species, he quickly learned, any more than Hux was a fair representative of humanity.

He found the shelter cats to be friendly, playful, and affectionate. Like the other animals it sometimes took time to get to know them, but Ben respected that. They didn’t owe him anything. If humans had treated them the way they should, they wouldn’t be in the shelter in the first place. He loved how unrepentantly contradictory they were: standoffish but cuddly; fearless but timid; graceful but clumsy; utterly confident but easily embarrassed.

He loved all of the cats, from the kittens to the seniors, but it couldn’t be denied that Lady was his absolute favorite. He felt badly for her, of course; she still hadn’t been adopted because of her FIV. But he also grew to appreciate her individual nature. She was imperious and regal, but also cuddly and goofy. They just clicked, understanding one another immediately. He found himself spending more time with her than any of the other cats, not least because she cried every time he walked by her enclosure if he didn’t at least stop to pet her and cuddle her a bit. Rey and the others teased him that Lady preferred him to all the other employees and volunteers, which surprised and deeply gratified him. She also seemed to have a sixth sense for when he needed her. 

Once, when he’d had an especially stressful day at work, he came by the shelter to do a few loads of laundry before heading home. Lady cried when he walked past her. 

“I know, I love you, too, but I can’t stay, I’m sorry,” he said. She cried louder.

Finally he decided that instead of running all over the shelter to do other chores, he’d rather spend his limited time with Lady. He got her out of her enclosure and took her into the socialization room. She came out of her carrier, ears perked. She held her tail straight up, except for the very end, which was curled almost like a question mark. 

“ _Prr-rrp?_ ” She twitched her tail forward a few times and walked over to rub on his leg. “ _Mrr-oooo. Wrack._ ”

Her second noise sounded so much like a reprimand that he couldn’t help laughing.

“I’m sorry, Lady. It won’t happen again.” He picked her up and cuddled her. She purred, rubbed her head on his chin, and set about making biscuits on his chest. 

From then on he learned to accept Lady’s affection when he was stressed, like a properly trained human. 

His presence at the shelter became such a constant that Rey added him to the employee-only group chat and got special permission from Holdo to work at staff-only events. One of the bigger events he helped with was trap-neuter-release, or TNR. They drove out to feral cat colonies, set up traps, and transported the cats to the shelter’s onsite medical facility to be neutered and spayed. Then they'd be released them back into their colonies, ear-tipped, vaccinated, and sterile, but otherwise none the worse for wear. 

The first time he saw Rey cry was when he offered to let her drive the Falcon during a TNR event. The whole morning, between getting ready, driving to his parents’ to pick up the Falcon, and driving to the shelter, he'd practiced what he’d say. He saw how she’d looked at the car that first day, and though she hadn’t brought it up since, any time he mentioned his parents offhand she got that same starry-eyed look on her face. He knew she’d never ask, but he also knew she’d love to get behind the wheel.

Han gave him a respectable amount of shit about it, saying he wanted to come along and meet Rey. To his surprise Ben wasn’t opposed to the idea; he knew Rey would like Han, and the idea was to make her happy. Leia put a stop to the idea immediately.

“Absolutely not, flyboy. You’ll meet her when Ben brings her home to family dinner and not a minute before.” 

That gave him pause. What did she mean, _when_? And what did she mean, _bring her home_? He’d been studiously, pathologically careful about not referring to Rey in a romantic way. True, he’d talked about the shelter—and about her—extensively over the past few months. But he and Rey never spent time together socially apart from D &D, and while he thought they might be friends they were certainly not dating.

He’d worked out a pretty little speech by the time he pulled up to the shelter, but the second he pulled in the drive he knew he’d never get to recite it. There were cars and people everywhere. The size of the colony meant that all hands were on deck. Rey was in the middle of the fray, directing people, answering questions, and handing out paper cups of coffee. 

She looked up as he got out of the car, waved, and ran over to him.

“Hey!” she said. “You drove the Falcon today, huh?”

“Rey!” somebody called. “We need you over here!”

She rolled her eyes. “Can’t get away for anything.”

Before she could turn around and leave, he held the keys out to her.

“You drive today. If you want.”

She looked at the keys, and then at him. Slowly, her hand rose to cradle the keys in her palm. He watched her face, suddenly unsure. Her expression was completely unreadable. Then, to his utter astonishment, she began to sniffle. Her shoulders sagged and her eyes filled with unshed tears.

Ben plummeted into a spiral of turmoil. What had he done? How could he fix it? Was this a bad idea? Should he hug her, or would she not like that? 

“Rey, I’m sorry. What—” he began, but was cut off when, to make matters worse, an irate Finn descended on the scene like a heat-seeking missile.

“Solo! What the hell did you do?!”

“Don’t yell at him! _”_ Rey scolded. Finn and Ben both took a step back, equally bewildered. 

“What did you say to her?”

“I don’t know. I offered to let her drive the Falcon? Was that wrong?” he asked. Finn’s face immediately shifted. He looked from Ben to Rey, all of the tension leaving his shoulders.

“Oh!” he said, and then, when the full significance of the moment dawned on him, said again, “ _Oh_.”

Finn put his arms around Rey’s shoulders and pulled her into a hug. 

Ben’s heart squeezed painfully and his pulse sounded in his ears. Everything he did only made others unhappy, even when he was sincerely trying to do something good. He shouldn’t have come. He should just be on his own, because that was what he was good at. It wasn’t as if he deserved Rey’s attention and affection anyway—the idea was laughable.

No. No, he told himself firmly, he wasn’t going to do this anymore. Wallowing in despair and jumping to conclusions were the forté of Kylo Ren. He was Ben Solo. He would deal with the situation at hand. He would apologize to Rey for upsetting her, make sure he understood _why_ he’d upset her so he could avoid doing it again, and tell Dr. Kanata everything that happened. He would deal with this.

“Okay, you’re okay,” Finn said to Rey, patting soothing stroked up and down her back. Ben looked on in miserable envy. They murmured back and forth at each other for a moment. Finn promised to take care of things so Rey could have a moment and then walked away.

“I’m so sorry, Ben,” she said when Finn had walked away. “I know that can’t have made sense. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s kind of a long story. I…didn’t have the best childhood.” 

She paused, and he nodded encouragingly, trying to keep his face neutral. He also did not have the best childhood; overhearing his parents arguing about whether he was “a monster” came to mind. She looked at him for a moment with over-bright eyes, and then grit her teeth and rushed on.

“So I’m from Jakku. My parents abandoned me at a bar when I was six. I spent the next thirteen years convinced they were going to come back for me, only to find out when I was nineteen that they’d been in the same city the whole time. Not only were they _not_ coming back for me, they were dead. They both drank themselves to death. I met Finn in foster care. When I was a kid the only thing I dreamed about—apart from getting my family back—was growing up to be like Han Solo. 

“I don’t want you to feel sorry for me!” she said, fiercely, staring into his eyes. “I’m not ashamed of where I come from. It all sucked, but I grew up. I’m doing good. I have a whole life now. I’m only telling you this because I want you to know that you didn’t mess up. And I know you already told me who your family is, but I’ve gotten to know _you_ and the associations kinda didn’t meet up anymore. I don’t want you to think I only like you ‘cause of your family. That’s not true. I just—wasn’t expecting an offer like this, and it caught me off guard.”

Rey’s story completely rewrote his impression of her. She’d mentioned a few things about being poor when she and Finn were kids, but he’d had no idea of everything she’d been through. He’d assumed she’d lead a normal, healthy childhood. After all, she’d turned into a such a well-adjusted grownup. 

He imagined a tiny six year old Rey, improbably already wearing her hair in its three buns, crying and calling out for her parents as they walked away from her. He allowed himself one brief fantasy of smashing in their skulls, and then he let the thought go.  

Her overwhelmed reaction to the Falcon that first day made sense now. In the dark years, he’d have sneered and said that Han would only have disappointed her. He cringed at his own past self. It was true—Han Solo was a loving man, a good husband, and a good friend, but not a good support figure for a child—but that was irrelevant. She’d never wanted the real Han Solo. She’d wanted to be _like_ her childhood hero: a dashing, roguish, larger than life ruffian adventurer who bent or broke the rules to serve justice. Ben looked around at the ragtag team of misfits about to go trap feral cats to give them a better life and realized that she’d done exactly what she set out to do. She took a job working for the abandoned, for the vulnerable, and she was fantastic at it. 

This wasn’t about him, or Han. This was about Rey. She just wanted reassurance that she wasn’t pathetic, that she was worthy of respect, and that she didn’t need to be embarrassed. He could give her that.

“I don’t pity you,” he said. “I’m kind of in awe of you. You’ve built so much for yourself. You have more than just a whole life. You have a family, with Finn, and with your friends. You have a whole community, one that puts so much good into the world. You built all this for yourself. I’m glad I know you.”

She gave him a watery smile, relief painted large on her face.

“And I really think you should drive the Falcon. I mean, for fuck’s sake,” he laughed gently, trying to tease her out of her tears. “If you’d just told me it was this important I’d have brought it around months ago.”

She laughed, hiccuped, and smiled at him.

“Can I have a hug?” she said, holding out her arms a bit.

He could hug her every morning and every night for the rest of his life, with hugs left to spare. But that wasn’t what she was asking for, so he just stepped into her outstretched arms and let her hide her face in his shoulder. She gave a little hum as she relaxed. He closed his eyes.

“You’re like, um…wow, you’re muscly,” she said. 

Ben made what he hoped would be a suave, masculine, noncommittal hum.

It was a squeak. He squeaked. 

“The gym is good for keeping me level-headed,” he said. He _really_ hoped his hair was covering his ears, and viciously tamped down the urge to pat at his hair to check. 

Rey stepped back, grinning mischievously now that she knew how to tease him.

“How the hell _un-level_ headed do you get? And what the fuck do you _eat?_ It’s like you’re carved out of marble.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, laugh it up. You keep teasing me and I’m taking away the keys to the Falcon. You can go back to driving that…what even is that thing you drive? It looks like it was put together by someone who’s never _seen_ a car, but had one described to them before. By an alien.” 

“Shut up!” she laughed. “Old Betsey’s your ride today.”

The rest of the event went a great deal more smoothly. Ben had to fold himself into thirds in order to fit into Old Betsey, but to his surprise, the car’s atrocious exterior belied a very comfortable, flawlessly running car. Then again, he reminded himself, her hero was his father. 

When he saw Dr. Kanata later in the week, he told her of everything that had transpired. He watched as Dr. Kanata’s eyes grew wider and wider, seemingly magnified behind her glasses. 

“Wow,” she said. 

“She’s just so…amazing,” he said, helpless to find the words to express everything that he was feeling for Rey. 

“Yes, she’s been through a great deal. How did it make you feel when Finn hugged her?”

He knew where Dr. Kanata was going with this. He used to struggle a lot with feelings of possessiveness, and of losing his temper immediately when he was misunderstood. In the dark years he’d have punched Finn for assuming he’d made Rey cry. Which, he reflected, _would_ have made Rey cry, and would have ruined any chance he had with her forever. 

“It didn’t bother me. Or, well, it _did_ , but not because I felt any resentment towards either of them. I wanted to comfort her, and it made me sad that I couldn’t. But I didn’t want her _not_ to hug Finn. If that’s what she needed, then I’m glad he was there.”

“That’s very astute. You care about her a lot. You’ve shown a great deal of compassion, toward her and toward Finn, too. That’s great progress.”

Ben nodded, smoothing his hands over his jeans. It was hard to accept praise for something he felt should have been part of his behavior all along, but it was also true. 

“Have you considered asking Rey out to dinner?” Dr. Kanata asked, softly. She knew the answer.

Ben shook his head. 

“What’s the worst that could happen if you did?” 

Ben just looked at her, incredulous. She gazed steadily at him.

“The worst? Well, my grandfather fell in love with a strong, beautiful, amazing woman. They got married. He then went increasingly insane, accused her of sleeping with his best friend, abused her, chased her down when she left him, strangled her when he found out she was pregnant, and forced his way into a fascist presidency via a coup. He tried to murder both his children. My entire life I’ve been told by the people closest to me that I’m exactly like him. So: that. I think that might be the worst thing that could happen.”

His hands were shaking. He tried to focus on the sound of the water bubbling over the stones in the nearby fountain as terror and shame overwhelmed him.

“Ben. If you live long enough, you see the same eyes in different people. I’m not looking at the eyes of a man who wants to conquer, or punish others for his hurts. I’m looking at the eyes of a man who wants to live, and love, and be free. You are not your grandfather, kiddo.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this one was a little angsty. We'll be back to our regularly scheduled over the top cuteness next week, though, I promise!
> 
> In the meantime, if you'd like a fluffy palette cleanser (and you enjoy Christmas stories with holiday hijinks), may I humbly suggest my newest fic, [How to Keep Christmas](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16807234/chapters/39450352)? 
> 
> As always please feel free to leave me a comment, and keep those pet stories coming! And while tumblr has been enacting some…interesting policies lately, for now I'm still available there at [JaneNightwork](http://janenightwork.tumblr.com).


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Endor Moon hosts its annual Fall Fur Ball. All the fuzzy creatures have a grand day out, and the humans have a good time, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extra special thanks to my betas [Hydra_bitch_please01](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hydra_bitch_please01/pseuds/Hydra_bitch_please01) and [Redbells.](https://archiveofourown.org/users/redbells/pseuds/redbells)

Ben might not have been ready to ask Rey out on a date, but he grew more comfortable referring to Rey as his friend after her maiden voyage in the Millennium Falcon. They traded books and compared favorite movies; he really recorded _Pride & Prejudice, _ostensibly for the animals but they both knew it was really just for Rey; they took their meal breaks together when they could; they added each other on Facebook. 

Every year to celebrate Fall, Endor Moon hosted a day-long fair and bonfire at the end of September, called the Fall Fur Ball. The rescue’s dog exercise fields were transformed by food trucks, face-painting stalls, and “show” events for the animals. Most of them were for dogs, since they were the most comfortable around crowds of new people. The dog events included Best Snuggler, Fastest Tail-Wagger, and Softest Ears, among others. The shelter animals were the stars of the show (when it possible for them to participate without stress), but past adopters also often brought their own dogs to the event. It was a massive undertaking that Holdo and Poe spent months planning. The rest of the staff spent the same amount of time working with each of the animals to figure out how much they could happily participate, or whether they’d be more comfortable sitting it out. 

In the weeks leading up to the Fall Fur Ball, Ben said in the staff group chat that he’d make himself available for the whole day and do whatever they needed him to. He was met with a chorus of good-natured assurances that they would run him ragged for at least thirteen hours. 

This was how he found himself serving breakfast to an influx of new volunteers early in the morning, manning tours of the facility for potential adopters, leading dog walks, and helping Rose give pony rides to scores of overjoyed children. Conveniently, the pony in question was also overjoyed: she loved children with every fibre of her compact being. By mid-afternoon he was already tired, but happy. The occasional glances he stole at the group chat told him that the event was an unmitigated success, and they’d already brought in more donation money than the year before. Holdo was promising an event-staff party to celebrate in the near future. 

The D&D crowd, his parents, and Chewie also came to the event, and while he didn’t get to spend much time with them it was fun to occasionally wave at them as they walked by whatever event he was hosting. 

He was just finishing up helping with the Softest Ears contest (first prize went to a Samoyed named Storm, the softness of whose ears was matched only by the softness of his personality), when he heard a familiar sound.

“ _wrrr-OOOOF!”_

“Blue!” he shouted, confusing everyone around him.

He whirled around, searching for her, until he saw a giant blur of happy grey dog launching itself directly at his chest. He opened his arms and caught her just as she collided with him. His balance wasn’t the greatest even on a good day, and the two of them toppled to the ground. Ben, laughing with joy, hugged Blue while she licked his face.

“There’s my noisy, pretty girl! How _are_ you, Blue? Where’ve you been, huh? I missed you!”

“I’m so sorry, sir!” said a voice above him. He looked up and saw an elderly white man with a friendly, lined face. His eyes, shaded by John Deere cap, stared down worriedly at Ben. He caught the end of Blue’s lead and tugged. “Watchu thinkin’, girl? You coulda hurt him, jumping on him like that.”

“It’s okay, I promise. It’s really okay. Blue and I are old friends,” said Ben. He stood up quickly to show he wasn’t hurt or offended. He held out his hand for the other man to shake. “I’m so happy to see her again, and to meet you! You must be the one who adopted her.”

“Yep!” said the man. He smiled down at Blue. “I’m her papa now. We get along great. She keeps me young, plays with the grandkids, and I tell ya, she puts the fear of God into the mailman with that bark of hers. A lotta times, we just sit on the porch and talk to people as they go by.”

“I’m so glad. I volunteer here, and she was one of the first dogs I made friends with. Between you and me, I thought about adopting her myself, but you got there first. I can see she’s in the right place, though.”

“Why don’t you come around and visit, then? Anybody who loves Blue’s all right with me. Me and my wife have dinner at the house with the family on Sundays. You can come around if you like.”

Ben, shocked and touched, accepted a card with the man’s phone number on it and promised he’d come by to visit. 

Around four o’clock Ben took over for Rey at the face-painting tent so she could get something to eat. The job was blessedly simple in comparison to everything else he’d done that day. All he had to do was accept donations from parents while the kids got their faces painted. He also tried to chat with the parents, thanking them for attending the event, and gently encouraging them to remember Endor Moon if they needed a new pet. 

One couple came into the tent with two young children, a boy and a girl. Ben wasn’t the best with children’s ages, but they were both definitely under ten. The girl was pulling her amused mother’s hand in the direction of the face painter, practically bouncing with glee.

“I wanna be a butterfly! Mommy, can she make me a butterfly?”

“Sure, honey, the lady can make you a butterfly,” said the mother. She turned to her son. “Do you want your face painted, too?”

“NO,” said the little boy, with such ferocity Ben was torn between laughter and concern. “Face painting is stupid.”

“Who told you that?” Ben said to him. Talking to other people’s children was always a gamble, but Ben had a soft spot for difficult children and couldn’t resist. The little boy frowned deeply and shuffled his feet.

“You don’t have your face painted,” the little boy observed. 

“That’s because I’ve been waiting my turn,” Ben said casually. This was what he got for stepping in. Mary, the face painting woman, gave him a sideways smirk. She was going to turn him into a butterfly just in time for Rey to get back. He could feel it. 

“I can make you a fox, or a dragon, or give you a Batman mask if you want,” Mary said to the little boy. Then she got the little girl settled in her chair as they discussed the finer points of butterfly design.

In no time the girl’s face was transformed into a beautiful purple and blue butterfly. She held the hand mirror up in front of her own face in awe. Then she darted off to her mother, begging her to take pictures.

In the end the little boy said he wanted to be a dragon—but only if he could watch Ben go first. Ben, who suspected that the “face painting is stupid” routine was a not at all clever disguise for the little boy’s fear, made a great show of nervousness as he sat beside Mary.

“Are you certified to paint grown-ups’ faces?” he asked solemnly. 

“I am,” said Mary, equally serious. 

“Okay. Can you do a painting of a fox on my cheek?” Ben knew that she could, having watched her do it on another person twenty minutes earlier.

“One fox-on-the-face, coming right up,” said Mary. 

The little boy high-fived Ben when Mary finished his fox painting, and then sat patiently while she painted dragon wings around his eyes.

“Mine looks cooler than yours,” he announced when Mary was done.

“So it does,” Ben laughed, though privately he quite liked his fox-on-the-face. 

Rey came back shortly after that, glowing with happiness in the way she did whenever she’d eaten a lot of fried food. 

“ _Ben_ ,” she said, and stopped dead as soon as she caught sight of him. Then she gave him the widest grin from her he’d seen yet. “Do _not_ move.”

He knew what was about to happen when she groped frantically at her pocket for her phone. He ducked and cupped a hand over his cheek.

“Don’t you dare!” she yelped. She ran over to him and half-tackled him, tugging mercilessly at his elbow until his hand couldn’t reach his cheek, laughing all the while. “Ben Solo, if you smudge that fox before I get a picture I will kick your ass! You think I won’t?”

“I think you will,” he said. He was half-tempted to keep fighting so that she would keep mauling him, but he resisted the urge. 

“If I promise not to post it anywhere, can I please, please, please take a picture?”

“Okay,” he relented. “But I warn you, I look awful in pictures.”

She gave an inelegant snort. “Says you. I think you’ll look great. Smile!”

She held up her phone and snapped a picture. Then she looked at the screen and frowned.

“You look like you’re in front of a firing squad.”

“I told you,” he said, self conscious and miserable.

“No no no! You don’t look bad, you look terrified. Ooh! I have an idea.” She rushed past him into the face painting tent.

“Mary, can you hook a girl up?”

A few moments later Rey re-emerged from the tent bearing her very own fox-on-the-face.

“Here’s what we’re gonna do,” she said. “We’re gonna take a picture looking at each other. You can smile at me, and then you don’t have to worry about the camera.” When he gave her a blank look, she picked up his arm, draped it across her shoulders, and wrapped her free arm around his waist. She held up her camera with the other hand. “Now look at me.”

He looked down at her and couldn’t help smiling. He was startled when she backed away a second later and looked at her phone again. She gasped and then laughed, holding up the phone.

“See, I told ya! There. We look great.”

She was right, they actually did. They looked happy and relaxed. If Ben had seen a picture like this with any two other people he’d have assumed they were in love. 

“Could you send me a copy of this?” he asked. “I really like how it turned out.”

The rest of the day went just as well. Ben was especially pleased to see that the award for Best Snuggler went to Penny, a brown and white pitbull who had been rescued from a fighting ring. With her fighting days behind her, Finn had introduced her to the concept of snuggling, and she’d become one of the most affectionate dogs Ben had ever met. Once the event was over, he gave her an extra hug when he helped her back to her enclosure, telling her he was sure one of the families at the event would adopt her. She licked his face. 

When he came back out of the dog wing and back to the event fields, he found his parents and Chewie talking to Rey. 

“Hey,” he said as he walked up. He gave his mother a look, but she only blinked at him innocently.

“Oh there you are, Ben,” said his father. Han smiled at him, and not in the way he did when he’d done something embarrassing. Ben began to relax. “Rey was just telling us that you’ve been a godsend today.”

Ben smiled at Rey, who nodded.

“And Ben tells us that you, Rey, liked driving the Falcon,” Han said with a grin. Rey blushed and nodded her head vigorously.

“Well, if you want, you can help me with the charity drive I’ve got coming up. Chewie can’t be there, and I need a second driver. Someone who appreciates the Falcon.”

Ben watched as her mouth dropped open and her eyes went wide. She looked at him as if checking to make sure she’d heard right. He nodded encouragingly.

“Yes!” she said.

“Good! Don’t tell him this,” said Leia, gesturing toward Han as if he wasn’t standing less than a foot away, “but I worry about him driving on his own. Now, Rey: I have a question for you. We saw a dog we’d like to adopt today. Are you the person we go to for that?”

“Which dog?” said Ben.

“Sirius,” said Han. 

“Oh I know him, he’s great,” said Ben. Sirius was a thirteen year old pitbull, black with greying fur around his muzzle.

“Yeah, he is. We met him earlier,” said Han. “Figured the two of us old men could keep each other company while your mother’s off saving civilization.”

Chewie motioned to get Ben’s attention, and then signed, “I met a dog, Gracie. Is she available?”

“Gracie?” said Ben, delighted. He turned to Rey “He wants to adopt Gracie!”

“Oh!” said Rey, her eyes wide. “Oh, I think we _just_ took an application for her. But sometimes they don’t work out, so you should still fill out an application.”

Ben was impressed that she said this to Chewie, rather than to Ben as some other non-ASL speakers might have done. Chewie made a disappointed hmph, but nodded anyway. 

“I didn’t know you guys were interested in adopting,” Ben said to his family.

“You’ve inspired us, Ben,” Leia said. Ben just blinked at her, too surprised to speak. 

Rey and his family left to fill out their dog adoption applications, and Ben left to help Rose give Star the pony a bath after her adventures with the kids.  When they released her into the field she darted out into a dusty section, plopped down, and rolled onto her back, rubbing the dirt into her coat with glee.

“Oh, you stinker!” Rose laughed. “I should’ve known you’d do that.” 

It wasn’t long before the visitors, the food trucks, and the vendors had all cleared out for the day, leaving the event staff to enjoy their bonfire. By the time the sun had set Holdo and Poe had set up folding table upon folding table with food, alcohol, and s’mores supplies.

Ben had thought that, despite the draw of spending time with Rey, he might not enjoy staying after the event. He’d been awake since before dawn and had been socializing nonstop the entire day. He would normally have needed to go home and sit in a quiet room for several hours to let his brain calm down from all of the noise. But he found that despite the controlled chaos of the day, he didn’t feel drained, and looked forward to spending time with his friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love reading all your comments so, so much! If you feel moved to say anything I'd love to hear it. Even if you don't, I'm so overwhelmed by the hits, kudos, bookmarks, and subscriptions this story has received. I love you all.
> 
> If you'd like to chat a bit more, you can always find me on [JaneNightwork](http://janenightwork.tumblr.com).


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gracie is adopted, and then returned to the shelter a few weeks later. Ben and Rey help each other with the emotional fallout.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a difficult one, so I'm going to list a few possible triggers here at the beginning. I'll also provide a chapter summary at the end, if you don't feel up to reading but want to keep up with the storyline. Please, please take care of yourself and don't read anything which might upset you. Jane loves you. <3
> 
> -Gracie is returned to the shelter after being adopted.  
> -A jerk yells a lot and exhibits your typical toxic masculinity type behaviors toward Gracie and Rey.  
> -Gracie is frightened, but not injured or abused.  
> -Rey discusses her traumatic childhood and feelings of abandonment, and Ben comforts her. 
> 
> As always, extra special thanks to my betas [Hydra_bitch_please01](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hydra_bitch_please01/pseuds/Hydra_bitch_please01) and [Redbells](https://archiveofourown.org/users/redbells/pseuds/redbells).

 

Much to Chewie’s chagrin, the family who put in an application for Gracie at the Fall Fur Ball adopted her. Ben was there the day Gracie’s new family took her home. It was sad as it always was; Gracie had won a special place in his heart. But the couple who adopted her had a little girl, and it was clear that she adored Gracie with all of her heart. It was also clear that the feeling was mutual. Ben watched as the little girl slowly, cautiously approached Gracie and, with the very tips of her fingers, stroked the softest part of Gracie’s ears. Gracie gently nudged the little girl’s cheek with her nose, and the little girl giggled in sheer joy. This, Ben thought, was why they all did what they did.

Which was why it was such a blow when the family returned Gracie to the shelter two weeks later. 

Ben was in the back, feeding a litter of four-week kittens. The day had gone well so far; all the kittens, including this litter, were gaining weight exactly the way they should, and none of them were presenting any uncommon or life-threatening health issues. Ben was on kitten duty because Rey was stuck at the front desk. She hated working the front desk because she sometimes had to deal with people coming in to drop off their animals. Poe and Rose always tried to cover for her because they were more diplomatic in those situations. Ben had offered to cover for her, but it wasn’t something volunteers were allowed to do. 

Normally he couldn’t hear anything in the back, but he heard raised voices, one of them Rey’s. He set the kitten back in her playpen and walked out to the front desk. 

His blood ran cold. There stood Rey, tear tracks on her face, holding onto Gracie’s leash. The family who’d adopted her stood opposite Rey, all in various states of conflict. Their little girl was crying openly, staring at Gracie, while her mother kept a vice grip on her hand—probably to keep her from flinging her arms around the dog. The mother stood stock still, with an unreadable expression. The father was angry. His face was an ugly red and he was pointing his finger at Rey.

“I don’t want this dog. How simple do I have to make it? You said she’d be shy at first. You didn’t say she’d _scream_ every time I tried to pet her. I cheer when I’m watching football and she pisses all over the carpet! I want a dog who will love me. I don’t want to _be patient_ and _go at her pace,_ ” he said, voice cruel in its mockery of Rey’s constant “at the animal’s pace” mantra. “ _You_ lied to me. I paid a hundred and fifty dollars to ‘adopt’ this dog. You sold me a broken goddamn dog.”

“Honey—” the wife began, tone pleading and placating.

“No!” he turned to her, holding up his hand. This was obviously a conversation they’d had before. “Don’t make me out to be the bad guy here. I do want a dog, but if I’m gonna _pay_ for it, I want a normal dog. This one needs to be put out of its misery.”

Ben walked fully into the space so that the man could see him. For the first time in years, he didn’t even attempt to control his temper. 

“Did you try not raising your voice?” he said. His voice was soft, lethal.

The room descended into dead quiet.

Ben walked directly in front of the man, placing Rey and Gracie behind him. He was a half foot taller than the other man. He was also broader, and visibly stronger. The other man flinched. 

“Did you try listening to Rey’s advice? She did tell you, did she not, that Gracie was a special needs dog? That she was traumatized by a former owner. That she would need care above and beyond that of a so-called normal dog, probably for the rest of her life. I know she told you. I was there when she said it. Do you remember?”

He leaned in further. The man clearly wanted to step back, away from Ben’s placid rage, but his pride forbade it. Which was exactly what Ben was counting on. Ben kept eye contact with the man, and kept his tone soft. He found in situations like this that _not_ raising his voice was even more intimidating. 

“Ah, you do remember. Did you follow her advice? No, you didn’t. You didn’t keep your voice down. You didn’t show your dog—or even your own _daughter_ —any compassion. You care more about football than about being a good person. You’re disgusting. There are no animals here for you. Get out.” 

The man turned around stomped away, shoving the door open and not bothering to look behind him. The wife looked at Rey, whispered, “I’m sorry,” picked up her daughter, and followed her husband. The little girl sobbed and screamed the whole way, arms stretched out pitifully toward Gracie. 

Ben looked down at Gracie before he could trust himself to look at Rey. The Golden Retriever looked up at him with sad eyes, and hesitantly fluffed her tail against Rey’s leg, once. 

“Hi, Gracie. Can I hug Rey? Is that all right?” he said. He approached slowly, anticipating that Gracie would react poorly to him. She only continued to look at him, sad and confused but not afraid.

He folded Rey into his arms. She sobbed quietly into his shoulder for a few minutes while he rubbed soothing circles on her back. Trying to help her calmed his anger and adrenaline, but seeing Rey’s heartbreak doubled his own. 

Gracie, feeling the tension, began to whine softly. She pawed at Rey’s leg.

“Let’s take her to the living room and rest a minute,” said Ben. Rey nodded, wiping her eyes. 

Gracie didn’t want to move. Ben remembered that sometimes in the beginning, she would shut down, paralyzed by her terror. He could _feel_ the pain coming off of Rey at seeing Gracie revert to her earlier state.

Ben knelt down beside Gracie and offered her his hand. She sniffed. Slowly, slowly, he stroked the top of her head, first with one hand, then with two. Over the next few minutes he petted her, until he was sure she wouldn’t panic at his touch. Then, just as slowly, he lifted her into his arms. 

The expression on Rey’s face when he stood took his breath away. He was used to people looking at him like he’d ruined something, or caused a problem. He wasn’t used to someone looking at him like he’d helped. No one had ever looked at him like he was a hero before. 

The sad trio walked into the living room. 

“Why don’t you sit down, and I’ll put her in our laps?” he suggested. Rey nodded.

When they were settled, Gracie laid half on Rey and half on Ben. They both stroked her gently and spoke soothing words to her. They were quiet for a few minutes. Gracie relaxed, until finally the tremors Ben felt running through her body eased. After they’d been settled for twenty minutes, Gracie was peacefully asleep. 

“I’m scared, Ben. We’re both gonna get in trouble—me more than you, though. We have to tell Holdo what happened. She doesn’t deserve to hear it first from that guy, and he doesn’t strike me as the type to just let it go.”

“I’m the one who got in the guy’s face. If Holdo is gonna be upset with anybody, it should be me. And I will tell her exactly that. You won’t be in trouble,” he said. 

“I’m scared she’s gonna fire me,” said Rey in a horrible, tiny voice.

“Why would she fire you?” Ben asked, horrified. 

“I messed up. That guy, awful as he was, he did the right thing. He did exactly what we want people do when adoptions don’t work out. He kept to the adoption contract and brought her back here. Ben, if we get a reputation for yelling at people or shaming them when they have to bring animals back, that’s so bad. They won’t bring animals back anymore. They’ll keep animals they don’t love, or give them away to other people and we’ll lose track of them. Or they’ll just have them euthanized. You said what you did because he was being shitty, and she’ll understand that. But what I did was so unprofessional.” She took in a shaky breath. “I’m _really_ not supposed to manage the front desk by myself, because everyone knows I get overly emotional about animal surrenders. I can’t stay objective.”

“Well then it sounds like Holdo put you in a situation she knew you were unequipped to handle and then held you to an unfair standard. That hardly warrants termination.”

“I hope she sees it that way,” she said. “This job is more than I could ever ask for.”

Whatever Rey’s opinion on his actions and her own, Ben knew he would do everything in his power to make sure Rey wasn’t fired. He’d known Amilyn Holdo his entire life. She was a good person, and fair-minded. Sometimes firm in her leadership, but never unreasonable.

“Sometimes I think I like working with abandoned animals because I was abandoned,” Rey said into the quiet. “And sometimes I _know_ that’s why. I think it’s a way for me to right the wrong, to take what happened to me and use it to help fix something else’s life. As if fixing it over and over will—I don’t know—fix me, somehow. Don’t get me wrong, I love it. You know that. I love these animals.”

“They love you, too,” he said. “Anyone can see that.”

“And I soak up all that love. Receiving it and _giving_ it. Everybody knows that if you didn’t have loving parents growing up you feel like you needed love and didn’t get it. But what it took a long time for me to realize was that I needed to give love, too, and nobody wanted it. Does that make sense?”

Ben thought of his early childhood, long before the dark years, and remembered chasing after his father, trying to get his attention. Or being scolded by his mother, or people on his mother’s staff, again and again and again. He remembered crying bitterly when he was seven years old because he’d wanted to show his mother a picture he’d drawn of himself, Han, and Leia. He’d been so excited, and rushed into his mother’s office—interrupting an important meeting. Leia had snapped at him and he’d run away, crying bitterly. He’d torn up the picture, and thrown it away. Later, when a contrite Leia had come to find him, he’d refused to talk to her. 

“Yeah, it makes perfect sense.”

“I think that’s why I’m so bad at objectivity, though” she said. “I get too attached—to all of them. It’s really hard to manage the ups and downs. I mean, at least we’re a no-kill shelter so I don’t have to worry about coming in one day and finding one of my animals just…gone. But sometimes I can help them, sometimes I can’t. With the kittens, sometimes we lose them if they’re too sick, you know? It’s so hard sometimes. It seems like everybody else is better at keeping that distance, even Finn and Rose. I don’t begrudge them for it, I envy them. Sometimes it just feels like I’m the only one who understands the stakes. Who remembers how many animals die every day because they don’t have homes. It feels like it’s just me, and when I can’t help, I feel like such a failure. It takes me right back to being nothing, just a nobody from Jakku.”

She took a breath. Ben wanted to tell her that she was wrong, that she could never be a failure, and he promised himself he would. But he also knew that she wasn’t finished, and now that she was talking he didn’t want to discourage her from opening up to him by interrupting her. 

“With Gracie, it was just this perfect storm. She’s so traumatized. She’s been through so much. Like me. She was so slow to open up, but if I was just patient, if I just went at her pace, she started to heal. Like me. I knew it was always going to be hard to find a place for her. She really does need a lot of extra care, and should be with someone who knows what they’re doing. But I just really wanted her to find a home, a place. I was so happy when that family adopted her. I thought, see, just because she’s damaged, doesn’t mean no one will ever love her. Like, well, me. Like me. You see why this was a stupid way to think.

“Then they brought her back. He was saying all those things about her being ‘broken,’ and I just. I couldn’t handle it. I panicked. I started feeling like maybe neither of us really has any place in this world. I never felt so alone.”

“You’re not alone,” he said. He reached across Gracie’s fur to Rey’s hand, and took it in his, interlacing their fingers. He looked into her eyes and said again, “You’re not stupid, you’re not a failure, and you’re not nothing. The same goes for Gracie. You both have a place in this world. He looked down on you but that’s because he’s stupid. You’re not nothing, he is. He can’t see how special you are. Both of you. You’re important to me. I mean it, Rey. You’re not alone.”

“Neither are you,” she said. She squeezed his hand and gave him a tremulous smile that he couldn’t help returning.

He wanted to kiss her. Not for passion but for comfort. He wanted to hold her and stroke her hair and reassure her that everything would be all right. With the sleeping dog in their laps the logistics of it was a challenge, but Ben might have figured it out in the end. If Amilyn Holdo hadn’t walked in in that exact moment. 

“Oh, hello Ben,” said Holdo. Ben didn’t often see his mother’s childhood friend, even since he started volunteering at the shelter. She didn’t spend a lot of time onsite, because she worked almost exclusively from her home office. Being the manager meant she had to spend a lot more time fundraising and rubbing elbows than the other employees. He hadn’t had any idea that she was going to be onsite that day. He felt a sinking sensation in his stomach.

He was relieved, however, to see that she didn’t look upset, just confused. It seemed that every time he did see her, she was wearing her hair a different color. Today it was a lilac color, and in it she wore a piece of complicated crown-like jewelry. It might’ve looked ridiculous on another person, but it was perfect for the stylish, nontraditional Holdo. 

Her eyes flicked to Rey. “Rey, why aren’t you at the front desk? The schedule says you’re covering today.” 

“I—” Rey started. Ben watched Holdo’s eyes float down to Gracie.

“Is that Gracie?” Holdo said calmly.

“Yes,” said Rey in a small voice. 

“How did it go?”

“Not good,” said Rey.

Holdo sighed. “Both of you, manager’s office. Now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise:
> 
> -This is still an ultra-fluffy, floofy fic.  
> -All named animals will be adopted into happy, loving homes.  
> -Next chapter will feature some awesome, happy moments. 
> 
> If you need a palette cleanser after the angst, you might enjoy my other WIP, [How to Keep Christmas](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16807234/chapters/39450352). It's an advent-style collection of drabbles, posted (hopefully lol, I'm so behind) one a day every day until Christmas. It is very sweet and fluffy.
> 
> Summary: Gracie is adopted by a family with a mother, father, and daughter. She is then returned because the father in her new family doesn't have any patience for Gracie's special needs. He accuses Rey of tricking him into adopting Gracie, and of "selling" him Gracie because of the adoption fees. He is angry and shouts a lot, and generally acts like a jerk. Ben walks in and tells the man that he's disgusting. The couple's daughter cries as her mother carries her out of the shelter. Ben carries Gracie into the shelter's living room. Ben and Rey sit down on the couch with Gracie in their laps. She relaxes and eventually goes to sleep. Ben and Rey discuss the fallout of the incident; Rey is extremely worried that Holdo will be angry with her, while Ben reassures her that Holdo will understand the situation. Rey opens up to Ben about why it's so difficult to stay objective about her animals, and how she sees herself in the animals she rescues. The chapter ends when Holdo walks into the room and tells Ben and Rey to meet her in the manager's office.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey deal with the fallout of Gracie's return. Rey ventures into social media marketing for the shelter, and the results exceed everyone's expectations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry to make you wait for this week's chapter! I hope everyone had a wonderful, jolly, relaxing, merry and bright Christmas. And if you don't celebrate Christmas, I hope your 12/25 was happy, relaxing, and completely free of people vindictively shouting about which holiday greeting is most appropriate. 
> 
> In this chapter we see the return of a few familiar faces. I hope you enjoy! As always, extra special thanks to my betas [Hydra_bitch_please01](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hydra_bitch_please01/pseuds/Hydra_bitch_please01) and [Redbells](https://archiveofourown.org/users/redbells/pseuds/redbells).

As Ben had predicted, the meeting with Holdo did not go as badly as Rey feared. Holdo allowed both Rey and Ben to speak, asking for clarification when necessary, and nodding in understanding.

“Ben, I understand that you didn’t know your actions were inappropriate, and I understand that you were, in your own way, trying to deescalate the situation,” Holdo said when they finished their tale. She quirked her eyebrow a bit when saying “in your own way”— she was perfectly aware of the Skywalker/Solo tradition of conflict management. Ben winced. 

“However, you _did_ know that you are not allowed to engage with customers, or to handle surrenders or adoptions. So it’s disappointing to me that instead of going to find someone who _would_ be able to handle the situation, you dove in yourself. I’m going to let you off with a warning this time. But this is a very serious offense, Ben. If I find that you have overstepped your bounds as a volunteer, or that you have mistreated a customer, you will be banned from volunteering. Do you understand?”

“I do,” said Ben, nodding. “I am sorry to have disappointed you, and it won’t happen again.”

Holdo turned to Rey, who was shaking visibly in her chair. Ben wanted to hold her hand again, but didn’t think she’d want him to under the circumstances. She was crying again, too, but obviously trying very hard not to. Holdo reached for a box of tissues on the desk and pushed them toward Rey. 

“Rey, do you need a moment?” she asked. 

“No,” said Rey. She shook her head.

“All right. Well, I’m glad you understand that what you did was inappropriate and unprofessional. There are _reasons_ we have these procedures in place, and I know that you know what they are. This is completely unacceptable, Rey. It gets tough for all of us. I know it gets tough for you, too. I’m not suggesting that you shouldn’t care, and I’m not angry with you for being triggered. I’m asking you to take better care of yourself. There was no reason for you to process Gracie’s surrender. As soon as that family walked through the door, you should have politely told them to wait and gone to find somebody else. Furthermore, there is absolutely no reason for you to accept the kind of abusive things that man was saying to you. 

“You _must_ learn to give yourself permission to disengage from situations that trigger you. You are extremely talented and extremely passionate. These qualities make you an indispensable member of my team. However, this is a highly stressful job. I worry about your ability to perform it long-term if you don’t learn to manage that stress. I want you to take the rest of the week off. I won’t count it toward your PTO, and I won’t dock your pay. But I also don’t want to see you anywhere near this shelter until Monday. And on Monday, I want you to come to my home office with a detailed stress management strategy. Do I make myself clear?”

“You’re not going to fire me?” said Rey.

“No,” said Holdo. “No, I’ve had a lot of employees and volunteers in the exact same situation you’re in. And as I said, I don’t want to lose you. Especially not over a fucking pissant like him.”

With that, Holdo dismissed both of them. 

After the high drama of Gracie’s return, Ben was torn between giving Rey space and being seriously worried about her. He kept himself from reaching out to check on her, but his resolve wavered as the next few days crept by. On Sunday he was relieved to get a text from her.

 

 

Rey  
  
**Today** 12:15 PM  
Hey!  
Sooooo I’ve got a question. I have an idea for Holdo's stress management thing?  
I wanna see if it makes sense to someone besides me.   
Hey!  
I'm sure your idea's great. Let's hear it.  
So what if we ran a 2nd insta acct?  
Like, this one could be follow-ups with happy adoptions?  
A feel good type thing.  
Lotsa people won’t follow shelter soc media accts cuz it makes them sad.  
But this wouldn’t! Cuz it’s all stories of happy pets. When people see how cute the pets are, and how happy the people are…  
They’ll want to come in and get a pet of their own.  
We’ll be left with an empty shelter, they’ll be coming in so fast.  
Rey, I love this idea. So will Holdo. 

Rey took the idea to Holdo who, as Ben predicted, loved the idea. Rey coordinated with Poe to brush up on her marketing skills, and then launched the new Instagram account. She told Ben it was easier than she thought it’d be to track down adopters and get their stories. HappilyAfterEndor was soon full of adorable pictures of happily adopted dogs, cats, rabbits, and more besides. It became something of a sensation, which drew the attention of the local news. They reached out and asked if they could come to Endor Moon and film a segment about the Instagram account, the shelter, and its employees. 

On the day the news crew arrived, Ben was in one of the socialization rooms hanging out with Lady. To his chagrin, she _still_ hadn’t been adopted. They’d become such friends that in his heart of hearts he was considering adopting her himself. Of course, he was also considering adopting Calista the pitbull, and Joey the rat, and several dozen of the other animals he regularly cared for. He had even thought about adopting Gracie, but of course Chewie had already put in a second application. Rey wanted to work with Gracie for a little while to make sure that she was fully recovered from her misadventures, but it looked like she'd be going home with Chewie soon. Lady sat contentedly on his lap, half asleep, purring as he stroked her fur and talked gently to her. They both looked up when the door opened and Rey walked in.

“There you are, Ben! Do me a favor? The news crew is here and they said they wanted to interview two people. We’re busy so everybody else is overloaded. Do the interview with me? Please?”

Dread seized his heart. He hated being filmed even more than he hated his picture being taken. He’d been forced to participate in a few of his mother’s commercials and events for her Senatorial campaigns, and had an entire collection of memories of her advisors becoming impatient with his stiffness and awkwardness. 

“Um…sure, if you think I won’t scare people off.”

She walked over, put a hand on his shoulder, and gave him a brief squeeze. It was more reassuring than he wanted to acknowledge.

The crew came in with their lights, boom mics, cameras, miles of cables, and noise. Lady’s ears twitched in annoyance. She stretched daintily in Ben’s lap and then hopped off of him, swishing her tail at the unfamiliar humans. She climbed to the top of the cat tree just behind Ben’s chair and surveyed the ruckus with an air of feline superiority. 

“I wish I was as chill as her, I can tell you that,” said Rey, nodding toward Lady. She put a second chair next to his. 

“What are you talking about? You are super chill, all the time. Just like me,” he said, giving her a smirk. She laughed.

One of the crew came forward and patted their faces with powder while another fitted them with microphones. 

Ben caught sight of the news anchor woman. A healthy distrust and suspicion of journalists was another trait he’d retained from his time as a Senator’s son. This woman, with her layers of tv-ready makeup, aggressively coiffed hair, and bright orange blazer, made him want to bolt. The feeling only increased as he watched her film an introductory segment off to the side, using that strange reporter accent which seemed to _emphasize_ every third _word_. 

After she filmed her segment she came over to introduce herself, and Ben relaxed a bit. She was nice to both of them, and told them she’d actually adopted her cat from Endor Moon. The segment had been her idea.

“I feel shabby next to her,” said Rey, patting at the buns on the back of her head when the anchor walked away for a moment. “I should’ve got more dressed up today.”

“You’re beautiful,” Ben said reflexively. Then he froze. He’d never said anything like that to her before—or to any woman, ever.

“You—what?” she said, softly. Panicked, he avoided even looking at her as the anchor walked back toward them. “Ben? Do you think that?”

“Okay!” said the anchor. “Let’s get started.”

The first few questions were directed at Rey, who answered them smoothly and confidently despite her protestations of nervousness. 

Ben heard Lady move around on her perch behind him. Then he felt her paw tap his shoulder. He turned to pet briefly pet her before facing forward again. She jumped down off her perch and wound around his leg.

“ _Prr-rrr-rp?_ ” Lady said, in her way of sounding like she was asking a question. She leapt up onto Ben’s lap. 

“Oh, you’ll wanna get this,” said Rey.

Lady put her front two paws on Ben’s chest and stretched up to bump his lips with the top of her head, asking for a kiss. He kissed the top of her head as he always did, and stroked down her back. She head-butted him again, and left her head against him so he’d give her multiple kisses. Then she curled up on his lap and commenced her usual outboard motor purr. He looked up to see the reporter staring at him, eyes wide.

“You’ll wanna cut that out, I’m sure,” he said.

“Not a chance,” said the reporter. “That was adorable. That’ll bring people here in droves.”

The news crew packed up and left. Ben shook hands with each of them and then stood awkwardly, waiting to be able to talk to Rey alone. When the door closed behind the last person, she turned and looked straight at him for the first time since before the interview started.

“Did you mean that, what you said?” she asked. 

He was surprised by the uncertainty in her voice, both earlier and now. He knew Rey wasn’t a vain person, but he didn’t think she was unaware of her effect on both men and women, either. He didn’t know whether to be shocked or relieved that she seemed to have no idea how much she effected him. 

“Yes,” he said, right away. There was no use beating around the bush or trying to act like he hadn’t said it, or hadn’t meant it. 

A blush spread on her cheeks. “Really? You think I’m beautiful?”

“Of course,” he said. He resisted the urge to squirm under her bright, intense gaze. “But it’s not a matter of me ‘thinking’ anything. You are beautiful. That’s just a fact. The earth is round, and you are very beautiful.”

Her smile wavered a bit. She looked down and nodded. Ben ducked his head, trying to get a look at her expression. She looked back up with her smile fixed back in place.

“Did it bother you at all, me saying that?” he asked. “I wasn’t thinking and just said it, because I couldn’t imagine you feeling shabby next to anyone. But I won’t say it again, if it bothers you.”

“No! No, it didn’t bother me. It made me feel better, actually. So thank you. Anyway, I’m gonna check in on the neonates; they’re due for a feeding.”

Rey turned and left, quickly. Ben stared at the door as it closed behind her.

“Lady, did I just fuck up, somehow? I can’t tell,” he said. He looked down at the Siamese cat, who looked up at him and blinked. 

“I did, didn’t I? I fucked up. How, though?”

Lady did not reply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so, so excited to share this chapter and the next one with you! :D Also, if you enjoy the texting code, I copied and pasted it into my workskin from [How to Make iOS Text Messages on AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6434845/chapters/14729722)!
> 
> If you're so moved, I would love to hear a comment from you! They make my day, and I often screenshot them and send them to my best friend with lots of over the top emojis. 
> 
> You can also come say hi on my social media! You can find me on Pillowfort, Twitter, and Tumblr. At the moment I'm most active on tumblr, but I'm trying to broaden my horizons.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The segment of Ben cuddling with Lady on the local news goes viral. Adoptions skyrocket, and Ben becomes a local celebrity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year, Reylos! It's gonna be a good year for our fandom, I can _feel_ it. 
> 
> I hope you all had a wonderful and relaxing holiday, and that you're excited for the new year! 
> 
> As always, extra special thanks to my betas [Hydra_bitch_please01](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hydra_bitch_please01/pseuds/Hydra_bitch_please01) and [Redbells](https://archiveofourown.org/users/redbells/pseuds/redbells).

The segment aired two days later. Ben very purposely did not watch it, in deference to his hatred of seeing pictures and footage of himself. It was only when his mother called half an hour after the segment aired that he realized he hadn’t even told her about the interview.

“Hi, Mom,” he said when he picked up the phone.

“Why didn’t you tell me?!”

“Ah, so you saw the segment, then.”

“Your father saw the segment; I was in the office. He shouted so loud I thought he was having another heart attack, or wrestling a bear. I ran in to see you on television. You did great, by the way. You looked very natural.”

“Hmph. I didn’t feel natural. I felt like a troll.”

“Nonsense. It was so good to see Rey again, too. I can see why you talk about her so much; your dynamic is great. She’s a knockout. And very fond of you, I think,” Leia said in her careful, politician voice. Ben sighed. She was trying to draw him out. He was still a bit off balance from his discussion with Rey, and he definitely didn’t want to talk about it with his mother.

“She is beautiful, yes. And we’re friends,” he said. Leia surprised him with a full-throated laugh.

“That girl is no more just your friend than I am just a princess. You just wait and see how she reacts to all the women who come in trying to catch your eye when this segment goes viral.”

“Mom. Have you been drinking?” he asked.

“No, baby, I have not. I called to ask about Rey, but I also called to warn you. That clip at the end of you cuddling that cat; I really think it’s going to go everywhere. I want you to be prepared. You might end up getting a lot of attention you’re not used to. If you or Holdo need any help from me, let me know,” she said.

“What? Why?”

“Because, Ben. A large, handsome man—don’t argue, eye of the beholder—giving affection to a small animal, especially a cat, is going to be appealing. Women don’t expect men to be affectionate with cats. They find it a pleasant surprise. Plus the way you talked about her, defending her as adoptable even though she has FIV. People are going to like that. Then on top of everything else, the way you and Rey interacted was dynamite. Trust a wiley old politician. I know when something’s going to blow up.”

The next day saw Ben stuck in a series of mind-numbing, several-hours-long meetings. He surreptitiously got his phone out and saw a flood of notifications from the group chat. There was too much to scroll through, so he just said,

 

Endor Mood Staff  
  
Hey, what's going on??  
Finn  
Solo! The man of the hour.  
Everything ok?  
Poe  
Yeah, buddy! We're just trying out how to deal with your new fame.  
????  
Rose  
LOL do you seriously not know, Ben?  


Ben looked up at his computer screen for a brief moment as the meeting leader said something he thought might remotely apply to his job, only to be disappointed a second later when he realized the guy was taking the meeting on a wild tangent. He rolled his eyes and went back to his phone.

Endor Mood Staff  
  
I am in a state of total ignorant bliss.  
Rey  
You know the segment we did?  
It blew up.  
I think we can call it viral now, right guys?  
Poe  
There’s no official measure of viral babes, but yes.  
Holdo and I are working 24/7 to try to get the most out of this.   
Finn  
Do you know how many people have come in here to look at Lady?  
DO YOU?  
I don't?  
Finn  
There is a line out the damn door, Solo!  
Ugh, my mother said this was going to happen.  
But about Lady, isn’t that...good?  


Several people began typing at once. Ben felt a pang at the thought of not seeing Lady anymore, but reminded himself of what Finn had told him about the dogs: the shelter wasn’t the place for Lady. She deserved much, much better. 

Endor Mood Staff  
  
Rose  
It is and it isn't.  
They’re not really here for Lady.  
They’re here to try to get a look at you.  
Bullshit.  
Rose  
Ah, no. It’s definitely true.  
They’re literally asking about you.  
Fuck that. Don’t give Lady to any of them.  
Tell them I adopted her.  
Holdo  
I admire your protectiveness, Ben.  
But you know we’re not going to adopt Lady out to an unsuitable home.  
Are you suggesting that you really want to adopt Lady?  
I’ve been thinking about it.  
Now seems as good a time as any. Probably should’ve already.  
Rey  
Yay!!!! :D :D :D  
I can vouch for how much they've bonded. It's meant to be.  
Holdo  
Well you know I don’t encourage staff to make a habit of adopting our animals.  
Or make hasty decisions about adoptions.  
But we all fall in love sometimes. We'll put a hold on Lady and talk about it the next time you come in.  
Poe  
tbh I think that's a good idea anyway.  
It’ll test to see if they actually want a pet  
Or if they’re just trying to get laid.  
Y I K E S  
Poe  
Sorry Ben you know I have to ask  
Your mom saw the segment?  
Finn  
NOT what I thought you were gonna ask  
But I should’ve known tbh  
Yes my mom saw the part with Rey and I.  
My dad called her into the room. Idk if she saw the part with you, was it before or after?  
Poe  
Damn, it was before. :(  
I’m sure my mom would have thought you were very dashing  
I know you have a crush on her; it's okay  
Poe  
IT’S NOT A CRUSH SHE’S AN AMERICAN HERO  
Rey  
Your mom saw me be awkward on tv? Brb moving to Antarctica  
She specifically said you did great, Rey.  
I think the word she used was dynamite.  
Rey  
OMG  


Over the next few days Ben received periodical updates on how the situation was progressing. He felt badly that he wasn’t able to spend more time at the shelter that week, but the very thought of being approached by multiple women who had seen him on tv gave him hives. He gave the excuse that he didn’t want to be a distraction and booked an extra appointment with Dr. Kanata, to “look at all the feelings that come up when someone finds him attractive.” The staff assured him they were more than able to deal with the influx of adopters. He was pleased to find out that their adoption rate had skyrocketed from the last week. He was less pleased with the seemingly endless lists of thirsty comments about him Finn and Poe dropped in the group chat. The segment had been uploaded to the news channel’s YouTube page. 

_I hate cats tbh but is that guy up for adoption? I’d give him a good home._

_Jesus Christ LOOK AT HIS HANDS_

_Um, can he pet me instead? Or…_

_Well he certainly knows how to treat a kitty_

Whenever they got too explicit either Rey or Holdo would jump in to tell them to knock it off. Holdo politely reminded them that the group chat was supposed to be for work, while Rey took a more direct approach.

Endor Mood Staff  
  
Rey  
KNOCK IT OFF YOU BLOCKHEADS  
Let those women thirst in peace.  
And leave Ben alone.  
Poe  
Methinks our girl is getting territorial.  
Rose  
Methinks :) You two should quit :) While you’re ahead :)  
Finn  
Quitting :) Holdo  
Poe. Do you have those figures I asked you for an hour ago?  
No? Because if you’re still tormenting Ben and you don’t have them—  
Poe  
I got em, I got em!  


Ben told himself a thousand times not to go onto YouTube and watch the segment—and he could only imagine the horror of everyone he knew if he told them he intended to read the comments. He stayed away for three days, but when the hubbub at the shelter seemingly still hadn’t died down (if the group chat was to be believed), he got curious. He wanted to see what it was about him and Rey together that had caused such an uproar. 

On Tuesday night he laid in bed, telling himself he was opening YouTube to see whether his favorite calligraphy artist had uploaded a new video, but really ready to succumb to his temptation. Already wincing, he navigated to the tv station’s YouTube channel. It was right at the top, and had the most views of any of the videos. He clicked on it. 

His eyes were drawn immediately to Rey, as they always were. She answered every question with her typical sunshine demeanor. He held his phone close to his face, smiling at the sound of her voice. 

Something he didn’t notice at the time was how often she looked at him. She smiled at him, drew him into talking when he otherwise would have stayed silent, and patted his arm or shoulder to get his attention. (As if he was not always already attuned to her.) She looked happy to be near him. As if his presence relaxed her. As if he he made her smile. As if she cared for him. 

The longer the video went on, the higher his hopes climbed. Toward the end, when Lady begged for attention, Rey watched the two of them interact with such open affection it was all he could do not to jump out of bed, find Rey, and kiss her. 

On Wednesday he texted Rey to see if things had calmed down enough at the shelter for him to show his face.

Rey  
  
Joking aside, have people really been looking for me?   
It was CRAZY that first day.   
Thought I was gonna have to beat ‘em back with a broom  
haha sure  
Ben.  
BEN  
I'M SERIOUS  
Is it really that hard to believe?  
Yes! It is.   
I don’t understand.  
...  
I mean, they say it for themselves in those youtube comments  
We don’t speak of those.  
Understandable.   
To be fair, they’re treating you like a celebrity.  
So they’re just talking in what they think is an anonymous way  
They’re probably shit a brick if they thought you’d ever see what they wrote  
Well I shit a brick reading it  
That's for sure  
I'm not trying to judge  
I just...My brain is not processing this.   
You’re okay, I totally get it freaks you out. <3  
But for real though, it’s just like you said to me:  
You are attractive!  
It’s not a matter of oh this girl thinks Ben’s attractive or that girl thinks he is, you just are. :)  
If you say so  
Are people still asking about Lady? Or me?  
The number of people coming in has dropped.  
Lotsa phone calls still  
Here’s the thing: some are obnoxious, but most aren’t Some of the girls that come in are super cute about it Yeah but do they want to adopt a cat or me?  
Idk, maybe both?  
I am not up for adoption  
Not by any of those girls, anyway  
No matter how cute or sweet they were every time I saw them I’d be thinking  
What if she’s the girl who said ‘can he please adopt my pussy?'  
Bwahahahahahahahaha  
omg  
My favorite was the one that just said “Jesus Christ LOOK AT HIS HANDS”  
You do have big hands Ben.  
Rey!  
Was that you???????  
(I know it wasn’t, I’m just teasing)  
Maybe :p  
(I know you’re teasing, you bear-pawed, precious nerd)  
Now, to answer your question: past few days have been busier than usual, but no crazies.  
So I can come back to the shelter now?  
Yes  
I won’t let anyone near you  
We can work out distress signals

A bear-pawed, precious nerd.

Ben held his hands up in front of his face. He’d always thought of them as clumsy and useless—or, he reminded himself, Snoke had always tried to convince him they were clumsy and useless. But hearing Rey call him bear-pawed gave him a whole new appreciation for his own hands. He grinned at the thought of her calling him a precious nerd. In the dark years he probably would have considered that a slight on his masculinity, but now he could hear the affection underneath her teasing. He was precious to her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Much. CODING! I wrote this chapter months ago and was all excited to find the code last week, and now regret every single one of my life decisions. But it looks pretty!
> 
> Once again a _huge_ thank you to [How to Make iOS Text Messages on AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6434845/chapters/14729722), which provided all the CSS coding and tutorials that made these texts possible. <3
> 
> If you enjoyed this chapter, please feel free to let me know in the comments! And you can always swing by my social media and say hello. I love making new friends. <3 You can find me on Pillowfort, Twitter, and Tumblr.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben finds out what Rey is like when she's jealous. Gracie and Chewie learn to communicate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got the absolute most amazing surprise last week when someone made me art!!!!!!!! So for this week's chapter in place of a moodboard please enjoy Anya's amazing drawing. I love everything about it: the daffodils, the colors, the lines, the calligraphy--everything. You can see the original post [ here](https://twitter.com/UhNoThanksAnya/status/1081273691298684928). Anya also included the meaning of daffodils in the language of flowers: "you're the only one, the sun is always shining when I'm with you."
> 
> Everybody please say thank you to Anya for this amazing gift!! 
> 
> And as always, extra special thanks to my betas [Hydra_bitch_please01](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hydra_bitch_please01/pseuds/Hydra_bitch_please01) and [Redbells](https://archiveofourown.org/users/redbells/pseuds/redbells).

 

****

 

Ben returned to the shelter the next day, and to his immense relief it was almost as slow as usual for a weekday. A few of the other volunteers congratulated him for bringing in such a crowd, but he didn’t see any adopters or run into anyone acting strangely. He thought the drama was passed and he could resume his usual schedule. 

He realized the error of his assumption the following Saturday.

Two women came in while Ben was trying to coax a new cat into playing with some toys. Odin was a senior grey tabby with one blind eye and a scar on his face. He had been a community cat until an elderly woman adopted him. When she died, her family dropped Odin at the shelter. He was affectionate when he chose to be, but he could be an ornery, mean-spirited little pisser, too. Ben thought he was probably just grieving for his human, but his standoffishness wouldn’t help him find a new home. He had tried catnip toys, lasers, plastic balls with bells inside, and feathers. The response from Odin was always the same: a thousand-yard stare of utter contempt. 

“Listen, buddy, I know you don’t like being in there, and I know you miss your momma, but these things are to help you not feel bored. Are you gonna work with me or no?”

“Aww! You’re Ben, right?” 

Ben emphatically did not want to turn. 

“Ah, yep. Ben Solo,” he said, head still inside Odin's enclosure. The cat glared back at him and flicked the very end of his tail, once. That would be Ben’s only warning before Odin gave him a face scar of his own.

“No sympathy,” Ben muttered, closing the door. 

“We saw your clip on the news,” one of the girls said. Ben winced. They were both adorable, but they were also both so young they looked like children to him. He was terrified both of hurting their feelings and of giving them the impression he was interested in them. He looked around helplessly for Rey. They looked at him expectantly. 

“Yup, that was me, on the news. And Rey. She’s the one who works here, I’m just a volunteer. Did you need a tour? I can find one of the staff to help you.”

They giggled in unison. One of the girls, a blonde, nudged the other girl, a brunette, with her elbow. The brunette stepped forward, blushing prettily. Ben stepped back.

“Rey—is she your girlfriend?” she asked.

“I sure am!” 

Rey appeared out of nowhere behind him. She smiled at the girls, then put both arms around his waist and cuddled up to his chest. He put an arm around her and tried to act as if his world wasn’t titling on its axis. 

“He’s just as cute as he looks on tv and twice as sweet. But sorry, ladies, this cat’s taken. I can show you around to some of the animals that are actually available, though?” she said. 

There was a very slight edge in her voice. She sounded jealous. 

Rey sounded jealous!

When Rey returned a short while later, the two young women were gone. She found Ben in much the same state she left him: pretending not to be overwhelmed by happiness. He tried to wipe the idiotic grin off his face as she approached him, looking contrite.

“Um. So. I’m sorry,” she said. She looked at her shoes.

“Why?”

“Because I rocked up and told those girls I was your girlfriend when they tried to flirt with you?”

“Rey,” he laughed, “Of all the possible things you could’ve said or done, that was the absolute best. By all means, do it again.”

She grinned, and blushed, and Ben had never felt happier in his life. 

“Oh! You hanging out with Odin gave me an idea. But I need your help,” she said.

“Anything, sure,” he said. 

“So, this is a long shot. But I was on a forum with some friends at another shelter, talking about elderly community cats. You know, since Odin used to be one. And this one girl said that in a colony, even tomcats help with the kittens. So she said whenever she gets a feral tomcat in, she usually puts them with kittens. She suggested we try that with Odin. Since he doesn’t bond well with humans and all. She said being with the kittens might help to open him up.”

“That’s a great idea,” he said. “Are you worried he’ll react badly to the kittens, though?”

“That’s where you and I come in. If he we get a bad reaction, we lift him right out of the situation.”

“So you rescue me from the claws of human girls only to toss me to the claws of Odin. Got it,” he laughed.

“I’ll be right there with you! I’ll protect you, I swear,” she said. 

Odin was friendlier with Rey than he was with Ben, owing to his preference for women. Rey fitted him with a harness and leash, and then loaded him into a cat carrier. Then they walked back to the kitten room. Rey let him out of the carrier but kept a firm grip on the end of his leash. 

“Now we just wait and see if he’s interested,” she said. 

Odin crouched down, tail rigid, eyes darting around. Ben had expected this: Odin treated every new situation as a potential threat until it proved otherwise; he probably wouldn’t have lived so long if he hadn’t. 

There were two kitten litters at the moment: the first was the latte litter (named for Starbucks Fall lattes), consisting of three orange six-week-old kittens named Pumpkin, Caramel, and Ginger. The other was the Miyazaki litter, with six eight week old kittens named Sophie, Kohaku, Chihiro, Kiki, Totoro, and Nausicaa. Both litters were healthy and immunized, which, Ben was sure, was the only reason Rey was willing to expose them to Odin.

Odin sniffed the air, swished his tail a few times, and relaxed. He stood straighter and then took a few tentative steps toward the Miyazaki litter’s playpen. The smooth plastic walls were clear and relatively short. When the kittens caught sight of him they bumbled forward and meowed, eager for a new playmate. He rubbed his head on the side of the playpen.

“What do you think?” asked Ben. “Should we let them meet?”

“Yeah, let’s give it a shot,” she said. “You hold the leash, I’ll hold onto Odin. I really don’t want this going sideways.”

Rey lifted Odin and deposited him in the playpen with the kittens, keeping a gentle but firm hold on his harness. Odin flicked an ear, clearly unimpressed with his movements being restricted, but didn’t fight Rey. 

One by one the Miyazaki kittens approached Odin, sniffing at him and climbing on his back. When Odin began grooming Kohaku, one of the smallest kittens, Rey let go of the harness and stepped back. Odin flopped on his side and purred as the kittens gamboled and played around him.

“Well shit,” said Rey. “I should’ve thought of this sooner. It happens all the time—animals that don’t or can’t bond with humans do better when they’re around other animals. Sometimes it’s even better if the other animals are more vulnerable than they are. It’s just a theory, but I think it gives them a sense of security, to be able to protect something.”

“It makes sense,” he said.

“Are you really going to adopt Lady?” Rey asked. Ben took a deep breath and let it out in a rush.

“I really want to. Do you think Holdo will let me?”

“Oh yeah,” said, waving her hand. “She’ll give you some shit about it, because she wants us all to foster instead of adopt. She’s right, of course—the more we foster, the more animals we help. But at the same time, she’d never say, ‘No, you can’t give a deserving animal a loving home.’ That’s kind of what we do here.”

“Yeah, I get it. I’ve thought about adopting a dog, too. I understand the philosophy, and I agree. But at the same time…” he trailed off.

“Lady is your cat. That’s just what’s up.”

“Have you ever thought about adopting?” said Ben. “Wait. All this time and I never even asked if you had any pets.”

“I thought about adopting Gracie,” she said softly. “Before, when she first came to the shelter. I even talked about with Finn and Rose, since we live together. They convinced me it would be better—healthier—to let her go. Like you said, she’s got a place in the world. I want to let her find it. And now that your uncle Chewie’s going to adopt her, I know she’ll be happy and have a great life. I do have pets though! I live with Finn and Rose, and they’ve got two dogs, and I’ve got two cats, Diana and Steve. They were the first two kittens I rescued, so I couldn’t let them go. Between them, and Finn’s dogs, and all the animals we foster, we’re a regular menagerie.”

As Rey predicted, Holdo did not put up any real opposition to him adopting Lady. When he handed her his application, she arched an eyebrow at him.

“You can hand in your application for Calista in two months, but not before.”

From the moment he brought Lady home, Ben could not imagine how he’d lived so long without a pet. She brought him depths of happiness every day. His phone filled to bursting with cute pictures of her, and every morning when he woke and felt her curled against his chest he felt happy, lucky, and loved. 

He’d been surprised by Holdo’s assumption that he would want to jump into adopting a second pet immediately, but after a week of having Lady in his life he realized he shouldn’t have been. Lady got sad and lonely whenever he left the house, so he thought having another animal around might help keep her company. He also realized, quickly, that opening his heart to Lady only made his heart that much more open to others. He resolved, however, to respect Holdo’s wishes and not apply for Calista until December. 

In the meantime, he was focused not only on giving Lady the best of everything (did she prefer Ocean Medley or Chicken Delight for breakfast?), but also on helping Chewie teach Gracie sign language. 

With Ben’s help translating, Chewie taught Finn and Rey the signs he wanted to use for “good girl,” and “I love you,” among a few others. Then they all worked with Gracie to make sure she associated each sign with the correct meaning. Gracie continued to amaze all of them with her capacity to relax, learn, and grow. She mastered the signs as quickly as Chewie could come up with them. By the time Chewie finally took her home, not only could she understand action commands (sit, stay, leave it) as well as positive reinforcement (good girl, I love you), she could also perform several tricks and even bring specific toys to Chewie based on their names. 

In his heart of hearts, Ben had been a tiny bit worried that Gracie would be afraid of Chewie. He was an enormous man who, despite the softness of his heart, was often loud and boisterous. But Chewie followed Rey’s instructions on how to bond with Gracie, and he quickly became her favorite human. Whenever he walked in the door she would wag her tail and nuzzle his hand for pets. 

On the day they were set to go home, Chewie ceremoniously fitted Gracie with her new collar. Then he stood, and gave Gracie the sign for “watch me.” Gracie sat and stared intently at him.

“Go?” he signed. Gracie stood and wagged her tail. 

“Go home?” Chewie signed. Gracie pranced in canine enthusiasm, her tail wagging so hard that the whole back half of her body swayed. 

As they walked down the hall and toward the parking lot, Rey said softly to Ben, “I organized a little surprise for Gracie and your uncle.”

A group of volunteers stood just inside the door, obviously waiting for them. When they caught sight of Chewie and Gracie, they all grinned and raised their hands to sign “congratulations!”

Chewie stopped short, and then made a soft, emotional sound that was both happy and a little overwrought. Then he turned and grabbed Rey with one arm and Ben with the other, and pulled them both into a tight hug. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gracie AND Lady got their furever homes at last! Though who is really rescuing who? I think these girls have their work cut out for them, to be honest. But I also think they're very much up to the challenge. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and if you did, please feel free to leave me a comment! I treasure them all. 
> 
> You are also more than welcome to come say hi on any of my social media! You can find me on Pillowfort, Twitter, and Tumblr.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rose have a conversation about Rey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the penultimate chapter! I am entirely too emotional about this to be honest. 
> 
> Extra special thanks to my betas [Hydra_bitch_please01](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hydra_bitch_please01/pseuds/Hydra_bitch_please01) and [Redbells](https://archiveofourown.org/users/redbells/pseuds/redbells).

 

 

 

In the next few weeks, the weather turned sharply. Luke had warned Ben that the Farmer’s Almanac promised an extremely cold, snowy winter, and as the temperatures dropped in October Ben wondered if he’d been right. There was talk of snowstorms as early as mid-November. 

Ben collected the horses’ water buckets from each of the stalls, cleaned them, and refilled them. He tried to get to that chore for Rose as often as possible, because he knew how much she hated carrying the heavy buckets of water. He was absorbed in his task, so he didn’t hear Rose come into the barn.

“Ben, can I ask you something? You don’t have to answer,” she said.

“Sure.” 

“Do you have a girlfriend, or a boyfriend, or a—person?”

He looked up at her, shocked. He didn’t know what he’d expected her to ask, but it certainly wasn’t that. 

“I’m not asking for me!” she said, face heating. He raised his eyebrows, amused. She blushed harder and continued, “Cuz, you know, I have Finn. It’s just, I’m just curious. And nosey, I guess. Paige is always saying to me, ‘Rose, you need to let people work things out for themselves unless they _ask_ for help.’ So, I’m sorry. You really don’t have to answer.”

Ben quirked an eyebrow at her and, still saying nothing, set down the sudsy scrub brush he was using to clean an especially filthy water bucket. He rinsed his hands with the hose, wincing as the cold water froze his already cold hands. Then he stood and faced her. This felt like a standing face to face conversation.

“I’m not mad,” he said. “And no. I don’t have a girlfriend, or a boyfriend. I’m not seeing anyone.”

“Oh! Huh,” she said. She looked away for a moment with a thoughtful frown. She looked about to say something, hmphed to herself, and frowned again. 

“Rose?”

“Yeah?” she said, returning her eyes to his.

“What is this about?”

Rose looked balanced on the point of indecision. He could practically _hear_ her grappling between the twin urges to follow her sister’s advice (clearly given with him specifically in mind) and to dive right in. 

“Why haven’t you told Rey how you feel?” 

Blades of sharp, frozen panic sliced through Ben. If Rose knew, did everyone know? Did Rey know? Were they all making fun of him behind his back? Not Rey, and not Rose, he knew that—but Poe and the others? Did they think he was pathetic, mooning and pining over her?

Ben adored Rey. He loved her jokes, he loved her weird hair styles, he loved her passion, her intelligence, her strength, and her ferocity. He leaned toward her like a tree growing toward sunlight. It had just never occurred to him that everyone would see it.

Of course they all knew. He’d never been able to conceal his emotions. Controlling his actions, he’d learned at long last. But concealing his emotions would likely never come to him. 

He began making contingency plans. He would stop volunteering at the shelter. He could stay Facebook friends with Rey. He could stay _friends_ with Rey, but he wouldn’t subject either of them to incessant speculation, when he knew she wasn’t interested in him. 

“Ben?” 

He looked down at Rose’s face, belatedly realizing that he’d been staring into space. She looked upset and concerned. 

“I’m just thinking.”

“‘Thinking,’ huh? That doesn’t look like thinking, that looks like a panic attack.” She was quiet for a second. “Finn gets them.”

Ben let out a breath and shrugged. “I’m sorry if—if I’ve been annoying Rey. Or been overbearing. I’ll back off. I know she doesn’t see me that way.”

Rose’s mouth dropped open, incredulous.

“Are you fucking seri—oh, my God. Shit. You are serious. Okay! Here’s the thing, Ben. I live with Rey. I know her very, very well. And she absolutely does see you that way. Big time. I know I’m being nosey, and this isn’t middle school. But apart from my sister, I love Finn and Rey the most in this whole world. Rey’s got some—stuff—from her past. She’s too scared you’ll run out on her if she tells you how she feels.”

“I wouldn't. I wouldn't do that,” he said offhandedly.

“I _told_ her that. I _told_ her anyone with eyes can see how you feel about her. My point is, she’s never gonna make a move. I kept waiting for you to make a move, but it was looking like I'd see the second coming of Christ first. The two of you belong together. Just, like, kiss her face.”

Ben thought his heart was going to beat out of his chest, and he could hear his pulse pounding in his ears. He felt a bit lightheaded. In all the of the possible scenarios he’d prepared himself for, Rey returning his feelings was never one of them. He’d tried (and failed, miserably) to not even daydream about the two of them being a couple, reasoning that he was only setting himself up to be disappointed. 

“Ben? I need you to breathe, okay? Cuz you’re a big guy and if you pass out on me I’m not gonna be able to catch you, and you’ll get a head injury. So we’re just gonna sit down for a second and breathe.” She caught his hands and tugged him down with her as she sat on the barn floor. He followed her, recognizing the wisdom of her advice.

She didn’t let go of his hands when they were settled. She held onto him, gently stroking the backs of his hands with her thumbs in a slow, rhythmic way. Her face was gentle and open. He realized that she was treating him exactly the way she treated Théoden, which he found unexpectedly heartwarming.

“Sorry about that,” he said when he could trust his voice. 

“It’s okay. Around here, it’s not just the animals that are strays. It’s all of us. You know about Rey and Finn. Paige and I come from a cute little mining town. All rolling hills and country idealism, you know? Then the mines got taken over by First Order Industries. Our parents died in an explosion that wouldn’t have happened if First Order hadn’t gutted safety regulations. Then a suit from First Order went on television and insisted that the families didn’t deserve compensation because the explosion was _their_ fault. Paige was sixteen, and I was ten. She worked under the table to keep us out of foster care, so we could stay together. We had to boil our water every day because it wasn’t safe to drink. We—it was awful. We all have stories like that. Even Poe. There’s a reason we find solace here.”

Ben very carefully pulled his hands away from Rose. He braced himself.

“I used to work for the First Order,” he said quietly, looking at the ground. He also knew exactly which “suit” Rose was referring to. It was Hux, of course. Snoke had tried to make Ben go on television, arguing that his Skywalker-Organa-Solo pedigree would make for a stronger impression. But Hux and his sheer _enthusiasm_ for the task won Snoke over in the end, for which Ben was grateful. 

“I know that, you fool,” she snorted. At his shocked look she said, “What, you think I don’t have Google?”

“No, I—”

“The first time you came around, when Rey told me you were Han Solo’s son, I googled you to make sure you weren’t giving her a bunch of shit. This was before we met. I saw that you worked for First Order. But I _also_ saw the way you left, how you knocked down the whole house on your way out. And I’ve been seeing you around here for months. I know who you are, Ben Solo.” 

Ben decided to take a few days to grapple with this new sense of reality. He wanted to talk to Dr. Kanata, possibly even Kaydel and Jess. 

Dr. Kanata laughed out loud when he recounted his conversation with Rose, declaring heartily that Rose her favorite of Ben’s new friends. She encouraged Ben to talk about Rey with Jess and Kaydel, and seemed shocked he hadn’t already. 

Kaydel raised an eyebrow and said something to the effect of wondering what had taken him so long. Then she suggested he bring Rey to Trivia Night so she could finally meet her. Jess, similarly,asked what the hell he’d been waiting for this whole time. She gushed for five minutes about how adorable Rey was, how adorable they were together, and how Ben should marry her and make “lots of beautiful babies” with her.

He was surprised by both of their reactions, but was beginning to think that maybe he was missing something. He had got so used to thinking of himself as unloveable that it had became second nature. 

“People are gonna like you your whole life, Ben. Just roll with it,” Kaydel said. 

He knew better than to directly follow Rose’s advice and “just kiss Rey’s face,” though the idea held a certain appeal. He knew what _not_ to do, he felt pretty sure, but he didn’t have the slightest idea what _to_ do. He asked Kaydel and Jess how they would like to be asked out, and both of them said basically the same thing: don’t make declarations, don’t make a scene, and don’t be coy. Just be honest and say you’d like to go out on a date. 

“And don’t overthink it, Ben. Ugh, nevermind, I can _feel_ you overthinking it all the way over here,” Kaydel had said, elbowing him good-naturedly in the ribs. He’d ducked his head and raised his hands in surrender.

“Guilty,” he said.

He tried not to overthink it, he really did. But there was just no way he could think of saying the simplistic, “I’d like to take you out on a date” that wouldn’t sound like it was coming out of nowhere. He was also a bit stumped on where to take her. Sure, he could just ask her where she wanted to go, but he’d like to have an idea. He wanted to treat her to a fun evening; otherwise he’d feel like he was just approaching her with “DATE ME PLEASE I LOVE YOU” tattooed on his forehead. 

Two days later Rose and Finn cornered him while he was playing laser toy with Tiny, the first kitten he had ever bottle fed. She was almost all grown up now, fluffy and gorgeous—and full of playful energy.

The two of them entered the room and closed the door behind them, frowning with disapproval. 

“You’re killing me, Smalls!” said Rose. 

“I—huh?” Ben looked up, confused. He looked around. Had he forgot to sign in? Had he not cleaned something?

“Rose quotes _The Sandlot_ like, a lot,” said Finn. Ben nodded as if he understood. Finn took one look at his face and rolled his eyes. “Rose here specifically told you that Rey likes you—which I advised against doing, for the record, because it’s true but Rey doesn’t like people telling her secrets and she’s terrifying when she’s angry—”

“I’m willing to take whatever Rey can dish out if she’ll be happier in the long run,” Rose said decisively.

Finn flicked his eyes at Rose with a fleeting, heartbreakingly tender look. Then he continued to Ben, “And with that information in mind, she expected you to say something to Rey. Something about, maybe, riding off into the sunset together? Going to a movie? Something? And here we find you playing laser toy with a kitten three days later. You’re killing my girlfriend, Solo. This is becoming an issue.”  

“I’m working on it!” Ben said, torn between laughter and exasperation. “I’m trying to think of a really good date idea. Since I’m _killing_ you two, and you’re her friends, you tell me: what would Rey like to do on a date?”

“Stare at your face,” Finn grumbled, low enough that Ben assumed he wasn’t meant to hear. He studiously looked at Tiny the kitten, who was giving him the stink-eye for having turned off the laser toy.

Rose thwapped Finn on the chest with the back of her hand. “Knock it off, dummy. He wants to make it special! Help me think.”

“Nothing too expensive,” Finn said after a few seconds.

“Yeah, she gets in her head about money,” said Rose.

Well, that was helpful; he didn't know that. It scratched most of the restaurants he’d been considering off the list.

“I dunno. You do trivia, right? Just invite her to that,” said Finn.

“That’s not a date,” he said firmly. 

“Too right,” said Rose. Finn gave her a confused look, but she just shook her head. “Would you have wanted that to be our first date—the two of us hanging out with another girl?”

Finn considered it for a second, and then nodded in acknowledgement of her point. 

“Fuck it,” said Finn. “You know what? Take her to RennFaire. It’s going on for a couple more weeks. Get yourselves some turkey legs and then have a contest who can eat them faster. It’ll be her, just fyi. Drink beer, watch jousting, buy her a trinket.”

“Good call,” said Rose. 

It wasn’t at all what he’d have chosen; he’d been thinking a museum or the aquarium or classic movies at the arthouse theater downtown and then a really nice dinner. But when he thought about it, Finn’s suggestion felt much more like Rey.  

“Okay,” he said.

“Okay?” said Finn, clearly meaning that he expected imminent progress.

“Okay,” Ben huffed, exasperated. “Now help me entertain this kitten before she builds up too much excess energy and starts a campaign for world domination.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Rey in this chapter, but I hope you'll forgive me indulging my penchant for Ben/Rose brotp. 
> 
> Come say hi! You can find me on Pillowfort, Twitter, and Tumblr.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A massive snowstorm derails Ben's plans for his first date with Rey. But sometimes being snowed in together can be just as good as going out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all won't mind me being a bit sappy and sentimental for a minute but I'm afraid I can't help it. ❤️This story has meant so much to me; it came into my life at the exact right time, and it's been a joyful and cathartic experience from start to finish. This final chapter (apart from minor edits) has been written for a few months, but today is the day I finally feel like the story is complete. I don't want it to end! That said, I'm so happy and grateful to be able to share this with you.

 

Ben had planned to invite Rey to the RennFaire when he saw her at the following weekend, only to learn that all of the remaining Faire dates had been cancelled because of the massive snowstorm headed their way. 

Rey texted the shelter staff’s group chat to set up preparations for handling the storm.

Endor Mood Staff  
  
Rey  
Looks like this snowstorm is gonna be bad, guys. :(  
They’re saying lots of people are gonna lose power.  
Poe  
The generator will kick in automatically.  
There should be enough gas there to get you through a few days, but check anyway.  
Rey  
Will do. But someone’s gotta be there all night to keep putting gas in it if we lose power.   
And shovel/plow that damn drive in case of emergencies.  
And someone’s gonna have to either stay with the kittens or we’ll need a temp foster.  
Poe  
I’d love to do snow duty.  
But I can’t; I’m with Holdo, guilt tripping Congress for funding.   
Rey  
I don’t mind staying overnight!   
I kinda assumed I would cuz of the kittens.  
Could someone stay with me though?   
Finn  
Rose and I will both try to get back from Paige’s in time if no one else can.  
Rey  
Don’t you dare try to drive back, you two!  
Finn  
Solo?

By the time Ben read to the end of the conversation thread, he was already planning on volunteering to stay with her. 

Endor Mood Staff  
  
I’ll bring the Falcon in case we have to drive somewhere.  
It’s indestructible and great on icy roads.  
Any special requests on snowpocalypse snackfood?   


Ben dropped Lady off at his parents’ house when he went to pick up the Falcon. He didn’t know how long the roads would be undriveable, and he wanted to know she’d be looked after. He arrived at the shelter only a few hours later with several bags of food, extra pillows, an electric blanket, sleeping bags, and two full portable gas tanks. There were shovels in the back of the Falcon, and he’d brought gloves, sweaters, and an even an extra coat for Rey. He didn’t want her to get cold. When he parked the Falcon the first snowflakes were starting to fall.

Rey greeted him at the front door with a hug. 

“I’m so sorry you’re gonna be stuck here,” she said. “But I tried to make up for it. I brought movies for us to watch, and a ton of food.”

“It’s okay. This was actually my plan all along.”

“To be up the whole night shoveling snow and helping kittens go to the bathroom?”

“If I have to shovel snow and wipe kittens’ butts to spend the weekend with you, I think that’s a fair price to pay.”

They moved the kittens — all three litters, plus Odin — into the living room. Since they were going to be there all night it made sense to just feed and care for them there instead of having to traipse back and forth across the facility every two hours. And since Odin now yowled like a demon any time he was separated from his kittens for more than twenty minutes, it was best not to leave him in the main enclosure.

Rey had already done a great deal of the prep work that was needed. She’d filled the generator, dug out all the shovels, and even put tarps over all the outside walls in the dog enclosures, to trap in as much heat as possible. She turned taps on to drip in all of the buildings to make sure the pipes wouldn’t freeze. The horses were in their stalls with extra hay, and every animal in the shelter had already been fed their morning meal. 

They worked out an evening feeding and snow-shoveling schedule, made snacks, and picked out a movie.

Rey held up a copy of _Frozen_. “I thought it would be on theme, what with the unseasonable snowstorm?”

“Works for me,” he said. 

So began a pattern. They would watch a movie, feed kittens, plow the drive, shovel the sidewalk, and then come back in to get warm and watch another movie. They also took over the other daytime responsibilities that usually fell to the other staff members, primarily walking the dogs so they could go to the bathroom and let out excess energy. Most of the dogs were fascinated and overjoyed with the snow at first, but as the hours went on they quickly decided that cold paws and wet ears were not ideal for bathroom breaks. There were many “sideways ears of inconvenience” as Rey called the disgruntled pups’ expression. 

Ben found himself tired out much earlier than usual. By sundown the snow was still falling steadily and he was struggling to keep his eyes open as they watched _The Breakfast Club_.

“You can sleep if you want,” said Rey. 

“I’m okay,” he said. She snorted.

“You’ve been doing the thing where you fall almost asleep and then you flinch awake for the last twenty minutes. You’ve done a lot of hard work. You can rest.”

“Wake me up for the next feeding though, okay?”

“Sure.”

Ben woke to an alarm, and the sound of kittens crying because of the alarm, and Rey, still fast asleep with her head against his shoulder. 

After that they kept putting movies on, but slept through most of them. They pulled the couch out after ten and piled it up with sheets and blankets.

“You brought a lot of blankets, Ben,” Rey teased.

“Well, this whole place is made of concrete. It gets cold,” he said, feeling his ears burn hot in spite of the chill in the air.

“It’s a good thing, though! The mattress in this couch is so old and lumpy it’ll dig into your spine in the worst way. If we pile it up with the blankets though it might not be so bad.”

They laid the sleeping bags down on the mattress, put a fitted sheet over them, and then layered the blankets on top. By the time they were ready to crawl beneath the covers Ben thought he might die of heat stroke if he slept under all of them. But Rey would be warm, and that was what he cared about. 

“I feel like we’re parents of a couple hundred newborns,” Rey said with a giant, jaw-cracking yawn. “I haven’t done 24 hour care of all the animals in the shelter in a _while_.”

They turned off the light and laid in the dark, side by side. Ben could feel her next to him. 

“Mmm, I love that electric blanket, Ben. I can actually feel my toes again.”

He felt her flexing her feet next to him. He imagined himself talking to Dr. Kanata; saying the words, “I slept next to Rey. Rey slept next to me. Rey and I shared a bed.” 

He took stock of his feelings. He’d never slept beside a woman before. He expected that he’d feel nervous, or stupid, or embarrassingly turned on. He didn’t. He just felt happy, peaceful, content. 

“So do you often sleep with women purely as an excuse to hang out with kittens?” Rey asked. He felt her move until she was propped on her elbow, facing him. He rolled onto his side to face her. He could barely see her face, but it was enough.

“Just you,” he said. 

“Well I warn you, I hog the blankets.”

“Do your worst.”

It was impossible to feel truly rested with at most an hour or two’s sleep in between the alarms. As the night wore on and the snow continued to fall, Ben and Rey both began to feel a bit delirious, cracking increasingly nonsensical jokes and consuming inadvisable amounts of junkfood.

At two o’clock Ben sat on the floor in one of the playpens. He’d just given them their feeding and while he technically could have gone back to bed since it was Rey’s turn to shovel the sidewalks and plow the drive, he didn’t want to go back to sleep without her. Odin had laid down next to him, with the curve of his back resting against Ben’s thigh. Ben knew better, however, than to comment on the favor Odin had bestowed upon him—especially since Odin kept his face turned resolutely away. Just because Odin had decided he liked Ben, that didn’t mean he had to admit it. 

What happened, predictably, was that instead of staying away until Rey came back, Ben fell asleep in the playpen with Odin and the kittens. He awoke to Rey’s giggling. He opened his eyes to find her standing over him, still bundled up in four layers with a scarf and hat covering all of her face but her twinkling eyes and pink nose. 

He watched her sleepily as she shed her scarf, hat, gloves, coat, and extra sweaters. She stepped into the playpen, sat down next to him, and laid her head on his shoulder. He smiled to himself.

“Why didn’t you go back to bed?” she asked.

“I wanted to wait for you,” he said. She hummed and murmured a sleepy thanks. 

“Tired?” he asked. She nodded. 

“Cold, mostly. But it was worth it to come back find you all curled up and comfortable, covered in kittens. You look adorable.” She curled further into him, and he lifted his arm and put it around her shoulders. “I can see why they’re drawn to you, you’re so _warm_.”

Persephone, a sweet calico, climbed onto Ben’s lap and mewed. 

“Come here, honey,” Ben said. He scooped her up with his free hand and cradled her against his chest. 

“You spoil her,” said Rey, though she reached out and petted her at the same time. “Doesn’t Ben spoil you, sweet girl? Yes he does.”

“She’s not spoiled, she just likes hugs. We all need hugs,” said Ben.

As if to prove his point, when the other kittens saw Persephone getting extra attention, they all decided to climb on Rey and Ben. Soon both of them were being used as cat trees by six kittens, but they were both too tired to mind. 

“Ben,” said Rey. He turned to look at her and found her face only a few inches from his. His heart seized at the look on her face. 

Gently and slowly, she reached a hand forward and stroked her fingers over his cheek. Whatever question she wanted to ask, she must have found the answer in his expression. She leaned forward and kissed him. 

She kissed him softly, with warm lips and a cold nose brushing against his. It was only the cold nose that made him truly believe that this was really happening, that she was really kissing him—he could never have dreamed such an endearing, perfect detail. He thought he had already reached the limit of tenderness he could feel for Rey, but now he knew he was capable of infinitely more. 

“Rey, will you go on a date with me?” he pulled his face away from hers only long enough to whisper the question, breathless and quick, barely able to open his eyes and look at her face when she answered.  

“Yes,” she said. She leaned in and kissed him again, fiercer this time. She threaded her hands through his hair and held his face in the position she wanted it. When she pulled away she leaned her forehead against his and continued to stroke his hair. His heart melted.

She pulled back and smiled shyly at him, then stood and held out her hand.

Ben took her hand in his and let her lead him back to the bed. He said nothing, unsure of where she might want the night to go. She reached up to turn off the light while laid back and stared at the ceiling. 

“I don’t think we should rush having sex,” she said into the dark. “But is it okay if we snuggle?”

Ben huffed a laugh, half to disguise his relief that he wouldn’t have to explain his lack of sexual experience right away, and half at the ludicrous idea that he might _not_ want to snuggle with Rey. “Of course we can snuggle. Come here.”

He opened his arms and she laid her head on his shoulder, draping one arm across his chest and threading her other hand through his hair. He wrapped his arms around her waist and hummed contentedly. Nothing he could’ve dreamed about her measured up to the reality of holding her on a lumpy, ancient pullout couch while sleep deprived and aching from hours of shoveling snow. With sudden clarity, he reflected that maybe all of the pain, and angst, and therapy, and growth he’d gone through over the last five years was the price he had to pay to be worthy of this moment. He’d do it all again in a heartbeat. It was worth it. 

“Now about this date,” she said. “What should we do?”

“I was going to ask you to go to the RennFaire with me. But we can do whatever you want. Movie, dinner, something fancy, something casual, I don’t care. As long as I get to spend time with you.”

“You keep talking like that and I’m really gonna tell everybody I’m your girlfriend.”

“Good,” he said. “I want to be your boyfriend, Rey.”

She hummed, continuing to stroke his hair. 

“I love your hair,” she sighed. “Will you kiss me? Please?”

He kissed her until the alarm went off for the next round of kitten feeding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤️❄️❤️❄️❤️❄️❤️❄️❤️❄️❤️❄️❤️❄️❤️❄️
> 
> This won't be the last we see of the Gimme Shelter universe characters--I'm so reluctant to let go of this world that I have a few oneshots planned, so we can expect to check back in the with the gang every once in a while. I also have a few new stories in the works, because now that I've found out how fun it is to write for this fandom there's no stopping me. 
> 
> I just want to say that the response to this fic, especially the kindness and thoughtfulness of the comments, has really meant a lot to me. I also truly appreciate all of the hits, subs, kudos, and bookmarks Gimme Shelter has received. I had no expectations, but even if I had, this experience would have far exceeded them. Thank you. 
> 
> As always, you can find me on social media at Pillowfort, Twitter, and Tumblr.


End file.
